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‘People who do not use social media networks will always fall behind in career development opportunities. ’ To what extent do you feel that this is an accurate and important prediction? v.1

‘People who do not use social media networks will always fall behind in career development opportunities. ’ v. 1
The issue of whether the use of social networks has a significant role in employees’ career development and progress has been a debatable topic in recent years. In my opinion, this could have a great deal of importance; however, it is unlogic to assume that it is the only way that always achieves this progression. This essay will analyse this issue with examples from the business magazine and the USA. There is no doubt that social platforms have played a crucial role in career improvement. This is because having an immense colleagues’ circle would open the door for a worker to be informed about many job opportunities in other places. This is particularly true with specialised social networks such as Linkedin, for instance, which has been appreciated by The Business Magazine as the number one website connecting workers from different areas around the globe who have the same specialty. Therefore, the employee can find a worldwide career opportunities in different countries through their mates chatting and vacant positions posts. Despite this obvious importance of social media, there are many contributing factors to develop employees’ career. Firstly, the continuous learning of one's field of work. For example, in the USA, ministry of health reported that online courses allow doctors to be up-to-date on recent breakthroughs in their fields should be included in physicians’ CV. As well as that, workers who develop more soft skills have more chances to be promoted than the others. A case in point is the managerial positions which need many skills such as cooperation, teamwork, and leading abilities. If an employee developed them, he could be the perfect individual to be promoted as a manager. In conclusion, although social media websites have an increasingly growing role in career enhancement, it seems that many other vital factors should be considered. Undoubtedly, acquiring advanced qualifications and work related skills are far more effective ways for job development and career progress.
The issue of whether the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks has a significant role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
development and progress has been a debatable topic in recent years. In my opinion, this could have a great deal of importance;
however
, it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
unlogic
to assume that it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way that always achieves this progression. This essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
this issue with examples from the business magazine and the USA.

There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
platforms have played a crucial role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
improvement. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
having an immense colleagues’ circle would open the door for a worker to
be informed
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
job opportunities in other places. This is
particularly
true with
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialised' is British English.
specialised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Linkedin
,
for instance
, which has
been appreciated
by The Business Magazine as the number one website connecting workers from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas around the globe who have the same specialty.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
can find a worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
opportunities in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries through their mates chatting and vacant positions posts.

Despite this obvious importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
contributing factors to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
Firstly
, the continuous learning of one's field of work.
For example
, in the USA, ministry of health reported that online courses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
doctors to be up-to-date on recent breakthroughs in their fields should
be included
in physicians’ CV.
As well
as that, workers who develop more soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
have more chances to
be promoted
than the others. A case in point is the managerial positions which need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as cooperation, teamwork, and leading abilities. If an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
developed them, he could be the perfect individual to
be promoted
as a manager.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media websites have an
increasingly
growing role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
enhancement, it seems that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other vital factors should
be considered
.
Undoubtedly
, acquiring advanced qualifications and work related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are far more effective ways for job development and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
progress.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay ‘People who do not use social media networks will always fall behind in career development opportunities. ’ v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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