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Mobile phones have made life easier and anyone can use a mobile phone to answer or make work calls or home calls art any place 7 days a week. Do you think this development has more positive effects or negative effects on the individual and the society v.1

Mobile phones have made life easier and anyone can use a mobile phone to answer or make work calls or home calls art any place 7 days a week. Do you think this development has more positive effects or negative effects on the individual and the society v. 1
In the modern world, The technology is upgrade and make life simple such as phone, we used to communicate or answer the office calls and family calls at anytime at anywhere. I think this progress and more positive effect some negative effect. Because it is very comfortable and easy way to learn. However, it ruin our relationship. In the coming paragraph I will discuss both effects. Firstly, The mobile is a electronic gadget which makes life easier and pleasant. Because it help to communicate anywhere and we learn alot of things through this electronic device. Furthermore, it is improve our relationship such as a man who live in United kingdom, he make a call to contact with their relative. Because he do not come but he make better way to talk. Although it is the best device to earn money. For instance, nowadays, some people create a channel on YouTube and share their video with other people, it’s also earn money through steaming to sit at home. Secondly, this electronic media have some negative effects. If we use over mean whole day this phone will be affected on our eyes and mentally health. Therefore, some people do not get information through mobile, they used to acquire bad habits. Moreover, it was cause of some unemployment. For example, before this improvement people used post office to send their documents but nowadays people use email to send their papers. These facts Make unemployment. In conclusion, after analyze all the information I reach on my opinion these development have more positive effects compare with negative
In the modern world, The technology is upgrade and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
life simple such as phone, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to communicate or answer the office calls and family calls at anytime at anywhere. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this progress and more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
comfortable and easy way to learn.
However
, it
Did you mean "ruins"?
ruin
our relationship. In the coming paragraph I will discuss both effects.

Firstly
, The mobile is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
electronic gadget which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
life easier and pleasant.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it
Did you mean "helps"?
help
to communicate
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
anywhere and
we learn
Possible spelling mistake found.
alot
of things through this electronic device.
Furthermore
, it is
Consider using a past participle here: "improved".
improve
our relationship such as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
The proper noun "United Kingdom" needs to be capitalized.
United kingdom
, he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "makes", "made".
make
a call to contact with their relative.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "does", "did".
do
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "makes", "made".
make
better way to talk.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
it is the best device to earn money.
For instance
, nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
create a channel on YouTube and share their video with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it’s
also
Consider using a past participle here: "earned".
earn
money through steaming to sit at home.

Secondly
, this electronic media have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. If we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
over mean whole day this phone will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
on our eyes and mentally health.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information through mobile, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to acquire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits.
Moreover
, it was cause of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unemployment.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
this improvement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
post office to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their documents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
email to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their papers. These facts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Make
unemployment.

In conclusion
, after analyze all the information I reach on my opinion
Did you mean "this development" or "these developments"?
these development
have more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects compare with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes

IELTS essay Mobile phones have made life easier and anyone can use a mobile phone to answer or make work calls or home calls art any place 7 days a week. Do you think this development has more positive effects or negative effects on the individual and the society v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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