Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.5

People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 5
Advancement of the technology has made human life much simpler. It is believed by some, that the modern communication and travel methods has open the doors for people to work from any preferable location. I completely agree with this argument, as there are more benefits than drawbacks. One of the major benefits is the availability of a person when someone's presence is required. In other words, back in the day people did not have any means of getting around the world at a short notice, as the only method to travel was by the Sea which usually can take a few days or even months. However, air travel has changed the dynamics of this situation, hence now a person can be present for a business meeting or for an emergency medical requirement and be back within a matter of hours. Secondly, advance communication methods have revolutionized the way people work while improving living standards and government targets. To put differently, technologies such as the internet, mobile phones and emails mean that an individual is not required to be present in an office or in a workplace anymore, since they now can be working from home or from a different part of the world altogether. For example; many companies have a tendency to recruit employees with disabilities to work from home or employ individuals from another country simply due to economic gains therefore, this not does only improve the standards of people with disabilities and help companies to gain financially, it will also aid the governments to reduce unemployment rates. On the contrary, improved communication and travel methods contribute negatively on mental and physical health. In other words, when people use travel methods such as Uber, buses and trains or even to order food, they are not required to be physically active at all, especially when everything is readily available at your fingertips therefore, the overall health of of the mankind would easily plummet. In addition, for people who work as a doctor or in IT industry may be called in to work as an on-call basis, even during their vacation hence adding much strain and stress in an individual.
Advancement of the technology has made human life much simpler. It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, that the modern communication and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
has open the doors for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from any preferable location. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this argument, as there are more benefits than drawbacks.

One of the major benefits is the availability of a person when someone's presence
is required
.
In other words
, back in the day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
did not have any means of getting around the world at a short notice, as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
was by the Sea which
usually
can take a few days or even months.
However
, air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the dynamics of this situation,
hence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a person can be present for a business meeting or for an emergency medical requirement and be back within a matter of hours.

Secondly
, advance communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
have revolutionized the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
while improving living standards and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
targets. To put
differently
, technologies such as the internet, mobile phones and emails mean that an individual is not required to be present in an office or in a workplace anymore, since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
can be working from home or from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
part of the world altogether.
For example
;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have a tendency to recruit employees with disabilities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home or employ individuals from another country
simply
due to economic gains
therefore
, this not does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the standards of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with disabilities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to gain
financially
, it will
also
aid the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
unemployment rates.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
communication and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
contribute
negatively
on mental and physical health.
In other words
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
such as Uber, buses and trains or even to order food, they are not required to be
physically
active at all,
especially
when everything is
readily
available at your fingertips
therefore
, the
overall
health
Possible typo: you repeated a word
of of
the mankind would
easily
plummet.
In addition
, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as a doctor or in IT industry may
be called
in to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as an on-call basis, even during their vacation
hence
adding much strain and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in an individual.
23Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts