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The internet has transformed lives and economies but it is turning the world into a global village. Soon everybody will think and behave in the same way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.2

The internet has transformed lives and economies but it is turning the world into a global village. Soon everybody will think and behave in the same way. with this opinion? v. 2
There is no doubt that the internet has changed our lives and today it plays an important role for many people. Personally, I agree with the statement that everyone will behave in the same way in the near future. In fact, I feel this way for two reasons, what I will explore in the following essay. First and foremost, plenty of teens prefer to get knowledge from different Internet resources. It is a striking aspect of the Internet users and it leads to similarity in their knowledge and behaviour. The underlying reason is that a lot of materials are copied from other web-sites and they have no unique thoughts or ideas about a topic. In addition, despite the fact that the Internet contains a huge number of data, most of this information can be wrong. Consequently, people and, especially students, just absorb other ideas and explanations, so they do not try to dig deeper and to understand main principles and features of articles. Secondly, social networks define the way how people live. One should note here, that the great number of adolescents use facebook in order to communicate with each other. However, such media resources become the main way of spending free time, so people just stare at smartphones everywhere. Thus, a lot of people suffer from the similar diseases, because they use the same gadgets, they have senedtary lifestyle and they have similar hobbies such as scrolling a celebrity’s newsfeed in the Instagram. To draw the conclusion, I am of the opinion that because of the Internet people have the same passions and lifestyles that lead to several detrimental effects.
There is no doubt that the internet has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
it plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that everyone will behave
in the same way
in the near future. In fact, I feel this way for two reasons, what I will explore in the following essay.

First
and foremost,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of teens prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Internet resources. It is a striking aspect of the Internet users and it leads to similarity in their knowledge and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. The underlying reason is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
materials
are copied
from other
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
web-sites and
they have no unique thoughts or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
about a topic.
In addition
, despite the fact that the Internet contains a huge number of data, most of this information can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and,
especially
students,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
absorb other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and explanations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not try to dig deeper and to understand main principles and features of articles.

Secondly
, social networks define the way how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. One should note here, that the great number of adolescents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
in order to communicate with each other.
However
, such media resources become the main way of spending free time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
stare at smartphones everywhere.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from the similar diseases,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the same gadgets, they have
Possible spelling mistake found.
senedtary
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lifestyle and
they have similar hobbies such as scrolling a celebrity’s newsfeed in the Instagram.

To draw the conclusion, I am of the opinion that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the same passions and lifestyles that lead to several detrimental effects.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay The internet has transformed lives and economies but it is turning the world into a global village. Soon everybody will think and behave in the same way. with this opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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