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People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
In this day and age, due to the advancements in both the technology and the transportation industries, the ability to travel and settle in any part of the globe has become increasingly popular. Even though these improvements may come with a few downsides, I strongly believe that the advantages greatly outnumber the disadvantages. Firstly, people may argue that technology developments have led human beings to always be stuck on their phones, thereby ignoring the outside world. Although this is partly true, I think that the advantages such advancements clearly outnumber the disadvantages. Nowadays, businesses can effortlessly communicate with other international corporations and they can also easily recruit anyone from any part of the world. To be more specific, the ability of people to work from home has hiked enormously, and women, especially, can take care of their families and still have a career because of this development. That is why I believe that technological advancements do more good than harm to people. Secondly, it is often argued that any criminal can easily flee from one country to another, because of the improvements in the transportation industry. I believe that severe security measures is the only solution to this problem, and that such developments should not be blamed. In recent times, individuals are more able to travel to any part of the world. To be more specific, the improvements in this industry has only brought people closer to each other because of many airline and train companies' entry to the market, and as a result, people are enjoying great services at competitive prices. For example, it has been proven that people nowadays choose to fly from one place to another because of such prices and services. That is why I think that more transportation developments should be welcomed in the future, regardless of its few disadvantages. In conclusion, despite of a few downsides, technological and transportation advancements have been making peoples' lives easier. The ability to move from place to place at a cheaper price is only bringing people closer, and easy access to communication is allowing individuals to work from anywhere in the world which great advantage to women especially.
In this day and age, due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancements
in both the technology and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
industries, the ability to travel and settle in any part of the globe has become
increasingly
popular.
Even though
these improvements may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with a few downsides, I
strongly
believe that the advantages
greatly
outnumber the disadvantages.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may argue that technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
have led human beings to always
be stuck
on their phones, thereby ignoring the outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. Although this is partly true, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the advantages such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancements
clearly
outnumber the disadvantages. Nowadays, businesses can
effortlessly
communicate with other international
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
corporations and
they can
also
easily
recruit anyone from any part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. To be more specific, the ability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work from home has hiked
enormously
, and women,
especially
, can take care of their families and
still
have a career
because of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
That is
why I believe that technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancements
do more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
than harm to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Secondly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that any criminal can
easily
flee from one country to another,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the improvements in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
industry. I believe that severe security measures is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution to this problem, and that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
should not
be blamed
. In recent times, individuals are more able to travel to any part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. To be more specific, the improvements in this industry has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
brought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer to each other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
airline and train
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
' entry to the market, and
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are enjoying great services at competitive prices.
For example
, it has
been proven
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays choose to
fly
from one place to another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of such prices and services.
That is
why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
should
be welcomed
in the future, regardless of its few disadvantages.

In conclusion
,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
a few downsides, technological and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancements
have been making peoples'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier. The ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from place to place at a cheaper price is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer, and easy access to communication is allowing individuals to work from anywhere in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
which great advantage to women
especially
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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