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If you could change your hometown to make it a better place, what changes would you make? How would these changes improve your hometown? v.1

If you could change your hometown to make it a better place, what changes would you make? How would these changes improve your hometown? v. 1
Even though I love the town where I grew up, it isn’t perfect. A few targeted improvements could make it even better. Specifically, I would create more opportunities for people to gather together, with the goal of enhancing the sense of community in the town. Unfortunately, my childhood home, Merriltown, does not offer enough opportunities for people to meet and socialize. The reason is that Merriltown is about 20 kilometres from a major city. When people from Merriltown seek entertainment like concerts, sporting events, and festivals, they usually go elsewhere. I think two changes could improve this situation. First, Merriltown should actively plan unique community events downtown. Currently, city leaders assume that people would rather leave for entertainment, so they don’t put much effort into organizing a robust community calendar. This should change. If the city would plan special events that are not offered elsewhere in the region, there is no reason Merriltown could not become an entertainment destination. Secondly, Merriltown should make its downtown more pedestrian friendly. Currently, the town’s streets are dominated by car traffic. It is not a very welcoming place for people to walk and congregate. If the city would consider restricting traffic, widening the sidewalks, and enhancing park space near the downtown area, people might want to spend more leisure time in Merriltown. Both of these changes share a single objective: to bring the residents of Merriltown together as a community. Organizing fun and meaningful events would create opportunities for residents to meet and socialize with one another outside normal daily activities. These changes could also instil a sense of community pride among residents who could boast, “my town has so many fun things to do! ” If Merriltown would make these two changes, it would be an even more special place to call home.
Even though
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
the town where I grew up, it isn’t perfect. A few targeted improvements could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it even better.
Specifically
, I would create more opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to gather together, with the goal of enhancing the sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
in the town.

Unfortunately, my childhood home,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Merriltown
, does not offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and socialize. The reason is that
Possible spelling mistake found.
Merriltown
is about 20
Possible spelling mistake. 'kilometres' is British English.
kilometres
from a major city. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Merriltown
seek entertainment like concerts, sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, and festivals, they
usually
go elsewhere. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
this situation.
First
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Merriltown
should
actively
plan unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
downtown.
Currently
, city leaders assume that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
rather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
for entertainment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they don’t put much effort into organizing a robust
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
calendar. This should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
. If the city would plan special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
that are not offered elsewhere in the region, there is no reason
Possible spelling mistake found.
Merriltown
could not become an entertainment destination.
Secondly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Merriltown
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
its downtown more pedestrian friendly.
Currently
, the town’s streets
are dominated
by car traffic. It is not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
welcoming place for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to walk and congregate. If the city would consider restricting traffic, widening the sidewalks, and enhancing park space near the downtown area,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might want to spend more leisure time in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Merriltown
.

Both of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
share a single objective: to bring the residents of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Merriltown
together as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. Organizing fun and meaningful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
would create opportunities for residents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and socialize with one another outside normal daily activities. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
could
also
Possible spelling mistake. 'instil' is British English.
instil
a sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
pride among residents who could boast, “my town has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fun things to do! ”

If
Possible spelling mistake found.
Merriltown
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
, it would be an even more special place to call home.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay If you could change your hometown to make it a better place, what changes would you make? How would these changes improve your hometown? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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