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People listen to music for the different reason and at different times. Why is music important to many people? v.2

People listen to music for the different reason and at different times. Why is music important to many people? v. 2
By and large, it is established beyond doubt that music is a historical part of every given society and nowadays penetrate every single facet of our lives. As a matter of fact, music plays an important role in humans' lives due to the fact that it contributes substantially to decrease stress, enhance motivation, increase creativity and so forth. As far as I am concerned, not only can music influence our souls but also can teach us about cultures in past decades. In the following paragraphs, some convincing reasons will be delineated to elaborate my personal stance. To commence with, music is part of every culture and history. Although vast majorities of people like it as an entertainment and fun, there is a real concept behind every type of music that shows the history of nations all around the world. Generally speaking, in many countries, people knew music as an enrich culture and believe that music transmitted generation to generation. For example, take traditional music with old fashion musical instruments into consideration provide an opportunity for individuals to become familiar with a part of history and different culture even in all around the globe. To elucidate more on this issue, music regardless of its type can patronize people especially students to understand what the culture is and how its concept has conveyed to next generations. Another reason that should not go unnoticed is that music could have positive effects on people' s health. To put it in another word, according to many studies, myriads of people suffer from severe stress caused by hard works, exams, competition and so on. In this case, crowds of people make an effort and bend over backward to relieve their stress use tablets, studying novels, watching movies and so forth, but none of those ways could influence people positively and ease the stress as music could. Going into the depth, many studies have shown that not only is music able to enhance peoples' motivation and incentive but also is able to keep people healthy. Thirdly, many people listen to music for the sake of fun and entertain. Indeed, when people are depressed and bored, it is a great item to relive people and make them happy and hopeful. Arguably, playing a music can alive a nice memory from past years and make people to think wisely and not to forget or neglect everything. In light of reasons elaborated, I reiterate that music has had many advantages for people throughout history. First, music is a symbol of culture and tradition that many people could get acquaintance with past generation. In addition, music can contribute greatly to the decline of stress and make people healthy. Finally, majorities of people listen to music owing to the fact that it is a real entertainment and could be fun for individuals, especially for youth.
By and large, it
is established
beyond doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a historical part of every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
society and nowadays penetrate every single facet of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. As a matter of fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
Possible spelling mistake found.
humans&
#039;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
due to the fact that it contributes
substantially
to decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
, enhance motivation, increase creativity and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth. As far as I
am concerned
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
influence our souls
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can teach us about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
in past decades. In the following paragraphs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
convincing reasons will
be delineated
to elaborate my personal stance.

To commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is part of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. Although vast majorities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like it as an entertainment and fun, there is a real concept behind every type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of nations all around the world.
Generally
speaking, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
knew
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as
After 'an', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'enrich' is correct. If 'enrich' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
an enrich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
transmitted generation to generation.
For example
, take traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
fashion musical instruments into consideration provide an opportunity for individuals to become familiar with a part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
even in all around the globe. To elucidate more on this issue,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
regardless of its type can patronize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
students to understand what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is and how its concept has conveyed to
next
generations.

Another reason that should not go unnoticed is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s health. To put it in another word, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
studies, myriads of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
caused by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
works, exams, competition and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
In this case
, crowds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
an effort and bend over backward to relieve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
tablets, studying novels, watching movies and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
none of those ways could influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
positively
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
could. Going into the depth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
studies have shown that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
able to enhance
Possible spelling mistake found.
peoples&
#039; motivation and incentive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
is able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
healthy.

Thirdly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
for the sake of fun and entertain.
Indeed
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are depressed
and bored, it is a great item to relive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them happy and hopeful.
Arguably
, playing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can alive a nice memory from past years and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
wisely
and not to forget or neglect everything.

In light of reasons elaborated, I reiterate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
throughout
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a symbol of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and tradition that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
acquaintance with past generation.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can contribute
greatly
to the decline of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
healthy.
Finally
, majorities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
owing to the fact that it is a real entertainment and could be fun for individuals,
especially
for youth.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
54Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay People listen to music for the different reason and at different times. Why is music important to many people? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
473 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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