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At what times of day do you like listen to music I love to listen music so i can listen it all the day but mostly whenever i do my household work as cleaning cooking i just play fm and enjoy work with music v.1

At what times of day do you like listen to music I love to listen music so i can listen it all the day but mostly whenever i do my household work as cleaning cooking i just play fm and enjoy work with music v. 1
It is considered that the increasing reports of media about issues and emergencies would do harm to citizens and society as a whole. Although this current can affect people in some positive ways, I thoroughly agree that this development can be disadvantageous for certain reasons. To begin with, media has widespread and profound influence on our lives. Therefore, the high intensity of undesirable news can have a significant impact on human as it can make individuals more pessimistic about their lives. In this day and age, there are a lot of pressure stem from the burdens of finance, family and others that people have to deal with; therefore the fact that journalists report daily about the unexpected circumstances can push more annoyance on individuals, and it can eventually result in people commit to suicide to unburden everything. For instance, in Japan, due to the high level of density of problems’ reports, 80% of citizens admitted to being exposed to the thinking of suicide at least once. Furthermore, the growth of gloomy reports might make citizens skeptical about the ability of government and relative authorities. This is because those negative news constantly reported as proof to the uselessness of governments regardless of their efforts to stop and prevent the situations. Likewise, the citizens might be distrustful about the safety of their country due to these types of reports. In short, apart from individuals, governments and the society as the whole can be negatively affected. To conclude, I believe that undesirable news can have a great degree of influence individually and the whole society. Hopefully, in the time ahead, there will be less undesirable reports as people can concentrate on the positive developments.
It
is considered
that the increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reports
of media about issues and emergencies would do harm to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
and society as a whole. Although this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
can affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ways, I
thoroughly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this development can be disadvantageous for certain reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, media has widespread and profound influence on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Therefore
, the high intensity of undesirable news can have a significant impact on human as it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
individuals more pessimistic about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In this day and age, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pressure stem from the burdens of finance, family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with;
therefore
the fact that journalists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
report
daily about the unexpected circumstances can push more annoyance on individuals, and it can
eventually
result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
commit to suicide to unburden everything.
For instance
, in Japan, due to the high level of density of problems’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reports
, 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
admitted to
being exposed
to the thinking of suicide at least once.

Furthermore
, the growth of gloomy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reports
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
skeptical about the ability of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and relative authorities. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
news
constantly
reported as proof to the uselessness of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
regardless of their efforts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the situations.
Likewise
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
might be distrustful about the safety of their country due to these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reports
. In short, apart from individuals,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and the society as the whole can be
negatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.

To conclude
, I believe that undesirable news can have a great degree of influence
individually
and the whole society.
Hopefully
, in the time ahead, there will be less undesirable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reports
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can concentrate on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
developments.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay At what times of day do you like listen to music I love to listen music so i can listen it all the day but mostly whenever i do my household work as cleaning cooking i just play fm and enjoy work with music v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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