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The elderly people of over 50 years of age should be retired and be replaced by the young. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

The elderly people of over 50 years of age should be retired and be replaced by the young. v. 2
Thesedays, as you can see, knowledge have been extended so quickly in deffirent science. Howere experinces aren’t something on the book that you can learn in univercity or school. Totally, I disagree with the retiredness of people who are over 50 at all. In subsequent paragraphs more explanation will be provided. Firstly, I want to calculate the number of retiredness of a person if he or she is edgucated persion. Surely, one person should spend 18 or 19 years on school to get diploma as well. In our country, I mean that Iran, male must to go malitry service for about 2 years. Next step is univercity and it is the best part ever beacuase of feeling good of freedom and being independent. Obviously, The hardest and time consuming part is steel remain. By this I mean that, finding job that relate to your study take even one year or more. Approximately, all procresses takes 27 years. I belive that after this long period working for 40 year is suitable and enough. Secondly, the most valuable things I think is the experiences of doing staff especially in huge projects. it is clear that experiences solve problem gently. For instance, engineering in pazzle that stop the projects look forward a person know about it or search to use others advices. it is happens more than one hunderd times as a electronic engeener may face to. In conclution, I totally disagree to retired the person who has 50 or abit over. we should respect and use their knowledge in all moments of my life. May it is better to encorage them to write article about the experinces in one book before they die.
Thesedays
, as you can
see
, knowledge have
been extended
so
quickly
in
deffirent
science.
Howere
experinces
aren’t something on the book that you can learn in
univercity
or school.
Totally
, I disagree with the
retiredness
of
people
who are over 50 at all. In subsequent paragraphs more explanation will
be provided
.

Firstly
, I want to calculate the number of
retiredness
of a
person
if he or she is
edgucated
persion
.
Surely
, one
person
should spend 18 or 19 years on school to
get
diploma
as well
. In our country, I mean that Iran, male
must to
go
malitry
service for about 2 years.
Next
step is
univercity
and it is the best part ever
beacuase
of feeling
good
of freedom and being independent.
Obviously
, The hardest and
time consuming
part is steel remain. By this I mean that, finding job that relate to your study take even one
year
or more. Approximately, all
procresses
takes 27 years.
I belive
that after this long period working for 40
year
is suitable and
enough
.

Secondly
, the most valuable things I
think
is the experiences of doing staff
especially
in huge projects.
it
is
clear
that experiences solve problem
gently
.
For instance
, engineering in
pazzle
that
stop
the projects look forward a
person
know about it or search to
use
others advices.
it
is happens more than one
hunderd
times as
a
electronic
engeener
may face to.

In
conclution
, I
totally
disagree
to retired
the
person
who has 50 or
abit
over.
we
should respect and
use
their knowledge in all moments of my life. May it is better to
encorage
them to write article about the
experinces
in one book
before
they
die
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
28Mistakes

IELTS essay The elderly people of over 50 years of age should be retired and be replaced by the young. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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