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People listen to music for different reasons and at different times. Why is music important for many people? v.5

People listen to music for different reasons and at different times. Why is music important for many people? v. 5
Music plays an important role in human life. Reasons for listening to music and time of listening to music differ from person to person according to their lifestyle. I will elucidate the different effects of music on humans with examples in the following paragraphs. Music has the power to control the human mind. For instance, after a stressful day at work, I would like to listen to Sitar music by famous Indian musician Mr Madhavan and that would give me a quick relaxation. This is due to the fact that music waves propagate to the brain and stimulate the nerves of mind. There is one better example of a similar kind, my colleague Mr Govind likes to hear music at work by using headphones. According to his view, his brain works very sharp if he listens to music and he can finish work very quickly.   So, effects of music are fascinatingly different from person to person. In addition, there are a few more scenarios in which music is necessary. Music is intervened in many people lives such that they could not live without it. To illustrate such as my friend Mr Raghu, deeply habituated to listening music, in such a way, without it, he could not get sleep in bed and if the music stops, he wakes up immediately. Let us take the case of my elder brother, he works as a truck driver, continuously in driving for days and drives for thousands of kilometres. So, obviously, his job is monotonous and listening to music become compulsory for him. In summary, from the above examples, it is clear that people listen to music purposely, habitually and proves its importance in human's life.
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Music
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in human life. Reasons for listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and time of listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
differ from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
according to their lifestyle. I will elucidate the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
on humans with examples in the following paragraphs.

Music has the power to control the human mind.
For instance
, after a stressful day at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, I would like to listen to Sitar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Indian musician Mr
Possible spelling mistake found.
Madhavan
and that would give me a quick relaxation.
This is due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
waves propagate to the brain and stimulate the nerves of mind. There is one better example of a similar kind, my colleague Mr
Possible spelling mistake found.
Govind
likes to hear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
by using headphones. According to his view, his brain works
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
sharp if he listens to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
music and
he can finish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
quickly
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are
fascinatingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
In addition
, there are a few more scenarios in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is necessary.

Music
is intervened
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
lives
such that they could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without it. To illustrate such as my friend Mr
Possible spelling mistake found.
Raghu
,
deeply
habituated to listening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, in such a way, without it, he could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sleep in bed and if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
, he wakes up immediately.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us take the case of my elder brother, he works as a truck driver,
continuously
in driving for days and drives for thousands of
Possible spelling mistake. 'kilometres' is British English.
kilometres
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
obviously
, his job is monotonous and listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
become compulsory for him.

In summary, from the above examples, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
purposely
,
habitually
and proves its importance in human's life.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People listen to music for different reasons and at different times. Why is music important for many people? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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