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People listen to music for different reasons and at different times. Why is music important to many people? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice. v.1

People listen to music for different reasons and at different times. Why is music important to many people? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice. v. 1
The issue of having a cashless society wherein coins and bills are replaced by the use of credit cards and debit cards continues to be a controversial topic nowadays. I disagree to the notion that using credit cards and debit cards is safer for all people. The existence of thieves and hackers all over the globe makes it risky to just rely on the use of these credit and debit cards. It would be a much easier job for thieves since they will only need to get a single card in order to access all of the person's money. In addition, these criminals could do all the stealing in the comforts of their homes, which will make it a lot more difficult for policemen to mitigate and detect. Furthermore, the use of credit and debit cards entail the use of mobile apps for online banking and monitoring. However, there are still a lot of people who are not computer literate and are not knowledgeable of recent technologies. In effect, this will make it inconvenient for these people since they will have to learn to operate these apps in order to monitor their money and bank transactions. This is especially true in a lot of developing countries like the Philippines. In conclusion, I disagree that the use of credit and debit cards will be safer and convenient for everyone since not all people in the world are technologically updated and literate thereby making it hard for them to secure and monitor their finances.
The issue of having a cashless society wherein coins and bills
are replaced
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
and debit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
continues to be a controversial topic nowadays. I disagree to the notion that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
and debit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
is safer for all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

The existence of thieves and hackers all over the globe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it risky to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
rely on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
and debit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
. It would be a much easier job for thieves since they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
card
in order to access
Consider using "all the".
all of the
person's money.
In addition
, these criminals could do all the stealing in the comforts of their homes, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it a lot more difficult for policemen to mitigate and detect.

Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
and debit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
entail the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile apps for online banking and monitoring.
However
, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are not
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
computer literate
and are not knowledgeable of recent technologies. In effect, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it inconvenient for these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
since they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn to operate these apps in order to monitor their money and bank transactions. This is
especially
true in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
like the Philippines.

In conclusion
, I disagree that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
and debit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
will be safer and convenient for everyone since not all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the world are
technologically
updated and literate thereby making it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to secure and monitor their finances.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People listen to music for different reasons and at different times. Why is music important to many people? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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