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People listen to music for different reasons and at different times. Why is music important for many people? v.4

People listen to music for different reasons and at different times. Why is music important for many people? v. 4
Many people believe that music plays an essential part in their life. For a number of reasons, some people think that music is important, and the following essay will explain them in details. Firstly, a lot of people believe that music has a positive effect on human's cognitive development. Based on some scientific researches, it is found that people who love music are more intelligent than those who do not like music. They could balance their emotional and logical thinking, therefore they could easily adapt to different kind of environments. Secondly, it is believed that music could also affect to people's performances. It is a fact that fast beat music could positively affect to athletes' performances, therefore these type of music are usually played during the training and the game session. And then it is true that slow instrument music could help people in releasing their stress, therefore they are always played in relaxation places such as in the reflexology, spa or massage centres. Lastly, some people are relying on music as their source of income. A lot of people do not realise that music industries have created a lot of job opportunities in societies. Some people of relying themselves on music as their main jobs, such as being a singer, music producer, songwriter and last but not least as a music teacher. In conclusion, it is true that music plays a vital role in our ways of life, as music can affect our mindset and emotions. And then music can also be used as a source of income as well, therefore, we must appreciate music and enjoy them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays an essential part in their life. For a number of reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, and the following essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
them in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on human's cognitive development. Based on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scientific researches, it
is found
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are more intelligent than those who do not like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. They could balance their emotional and logical thinking,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
they could
easily
adapt to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of environments.

Secondly
, it
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
could
also
affect to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's performances. It is a fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
beat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
could
positively
affect to athletes' performances,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
these type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are
usually
played during the training and the game session. And then it is true that slow instrument
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in releasing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
they are always played in relaxation places such as in the reflexology, spa or massage
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.

Lastly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are relying on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as their source of income.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
industries have created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
job opportunities in societies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of relying themselves on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as their main jobs, such as being a singer,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
producer, songwriter and last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
teacher.

In conclusion
, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays a vital role in our ways of life, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can affect our mindset and emotions. And then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a source of income
as well
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
appreciate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and enjoy them.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay People listen to music for different reasons and at different times. Why is music important for many people? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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