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People listen to music for different reasons and at different times. Why is music important to many people? v.3

People listen to music for different reasons and at different times. Why is music important to many people? v. 3
The world has both pros and cons, and it depends on living beings to determine the things they want in their surroundings and environment. Even though, each and every organism has birthright to live in this earth, the humans becoming the deciding authority of them based on their usage, because of this many species is facing extinction. Though, Some people arguing that individuals and countries should protect the animals from destruction, some suggesting that they should look into the issues faced by human beings. However, the extinction of animals is important as much as the problems of humans. To begin with, Undoubtedly, the nation should look after the happenings in their environment that includes species that living there. The animals are the main source of forest growth and they have been particularly helping us to kill harmful insects, plants and so on. Moreover, their habitats make a balanced environment to live and the every species living in this world has their unique contribution without that the nature is unbalanced. It will lead to severe destruction of natural resources and cause major climatic and environmental changes. For example, a decade ago, the farmers used earthworm as fertilizer to increase the stability of the land condition, but these days they prefer artificial fertilizers made up of chemicals. Despite they are good, this artificial fertilizers will make the land barren. So the farmers should foresee the consequences of product they are using and have to product this rare species from extinction. However, the population of the earth is rapidly increasing every day, hence it leads to poverty and poor living condition, so the people are living their life without concentrating on their surrounding. The humans are not the only source of causing the extinction of these animal species such as Amazon forest fire, it killed more than thousand species. Thus, this leads to the mentality of protection of these animals is not feasible, due to that majority of the people are not finding a way to protect them. They also has numerous troubles in their life and most of them need someone to take care their issue rather than spending time on these animals. To sum up with, in my view, animals are also a living thing and no one can say that human issues are bigger and holds a significant place in comparison with the others. Furthermore, the organisms living on the earth have equal rights to live and use natural resources, and if humans protect the animals, they will ensure that future is in their hands else, the natural resources will be in the phase of extinction and this may cause natural imbalance.
The world has both pros and cons, and it depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
beings to determine the things they want in their surroundings and environment.
Even though
, each and every organism has birthright to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in this earth, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
becoming the deciding authority of them based on their usage,
because of this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
species is facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
. Though,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
arguing that individuals and countries should protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from destruction,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suggesting that they should look into the issues faced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as much as the problems of humans.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
Undoubtedly
, the nation should look after the happenings in their environment that includes species that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
there. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are the main source of forest
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
growth and
they have been
particularly
helping us to kill harmful insects, plants and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Moreover
, their habitats
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a balanced environment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and the every species
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in this world has their unique contribution without that the nature
is unbalanced
. It will lead to severe destruction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
resources and cause major climatic and environmental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
For example
, a decade ago, the farmers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
earthworm as fertilizer to increase the stability of the land condition,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these days they prefer artificial fertilizers made up of chemicals. Despite they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, this artificial fertilizers will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the land barren.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the farmers should foresee the consequences of product they are using and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
product this rare species from extinction.

However
, the population of the earth is
rapidly
increasing every day,
hence
it leads to poverty and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
condition,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
their life without concentrating on their surrounding. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
are not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
source of causing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species such as Amazon forest fire, it killed more than
Use "a thousand" or use a number before 'thousand'.
thousand
species.
Thus
, this leads to the mentality of protection of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is not feasible, due to that majority of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not finding a way to protect them. They
also
The pronoun 'They' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "have", "haven"
has
numerous troubles in their life and most of them need someone to take care their issue
rather
than spending time on these animals.

To sum up with, in my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
also
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
thing and no one can say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
issues are bigger and holds a significant place
in comparison
with the others.
Furthermore
, the organisms
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
on the earth have equal rights to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
resources, and if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, they will ensure that future is in their hands else, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
resources will be in the phase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
and this may cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
imbalance.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay People listen to music for different reasons and at different times. Why is music important to many people? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
442 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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