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People like working for a company rather than starting their own business. Why is this the case? What can be done to encourage people to start their own business? v.1

People like working for a company rather than starting their own business. Why is this the case? What can be done to encourage people to start their own business? v. 1
Nowadays, instead of venturing into business, people choose to work and stay in corporations. The reasons behind the fear of people in entering business are related to the risks involved and professional background, but there are also solutions that can be done. There are several reasons as to why people do not want to go into entrepreneurship. Firstly, many think that starting a business can be risky. Many people in the past, for instance, invested a huge amount of money in this, but were not able to have enough profit. Staying in a stable company job was the first choice for many, as they can work and save money at the same time. Secondly, professionals who went to school for their chosen jobs want to ensure that they use their education in the proper field of work. Staying in a company would benefit them as they can gain more related experience while earning a decent salary, therefore improving their living conditions and professional growth. However, there are steps that can be taken to encourage the population in starting their own businesses. One way that governments can do is to increase the level of awareness about the process of Entreprenuership. Many are not aware of the steps in partaking this idea which decreases their interest to begin investing. Another step that individuals can take is by starting in small ways, depending on their preference. Artistic people, for example, can sell crafts that they like to do such as paintings or pottery. They can then start selling it to their friends and family, and later on to the local market, enhancing their skills and also their social connection in the society. In conclusion, discouragement of individuals to start businesses are due to some causes, but the ways to improve it are manageable by raising awareness of people and including the interests of the individuals.
Nowadays,
instead
of venturing into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to work and stay in corporations. The reasons behind the fear of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in entering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
are related
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
involved and professional background,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
solutions that can
be done
.

There are several reasons as to why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not want to go into entrepreneurship.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that starting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
can be risky.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the past,
for instance
, invested a huge amount of money in this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
were not able to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
profit. Staying in a stable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
job was the
first
choice for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, as they can work and save money at the same time.
Secondly
, professionals who went to school for their chosen jobs want to ensure that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their education in the proper field of work. Staying in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
would benefit them as they can gain more related experience while earning a decent salary,
therefore
improving their living conditions and professional growth.

However
, there are steps that can
be taken
to encourage the population in starting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
. One way that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can do is to increase the level of awareness about the process of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Entreprenuership
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
are not aware of the steps in partaking this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
which decreases their interest to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
investing. Another step that individuals can take is by starting in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
ways, depending on their preference. Artistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
for example
, can sell crafts that they like to do such as paintings or pottery. They can then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
selling it to their friends and family, and later on to the local market, enhancing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
also
their social connection in the society.

In conclusion
, discouragement of individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
are due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
it are manageable by raising awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and including the interests of the individuals.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay People like working for a company rather than starting their own business. Why is this the case? What can be done to encourage people to start their own business? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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