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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v.35

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 35
Currently, the overall proportion of people in the adolescent age group is significantly greater than the figure for those older, in several nations. More people in the productive years of their lives, is certainly advantageous to the economy, because of their increased competencies to contribute to the development of a country, though there are a few disadvantages. In this essay, we will discuss how this situation is beneficial. The number of people joining the work force largely depends on the young adult population, so an increasing number of youngsters, is highly beneficial to the economy. Subsequently, the potential for trade is increased in consequence, to more labour force. For example, a report published by the US Business Weekly claimed that Arizona's GDP raised by two-fifths, with an increase in the adolescent population who joined the labour force, over a 5 year period. Hence, a rising figure for youngsters will benefit the economy by boosting trade. One other advantage is that, the burden on the firms for providing benefits for the more experienced workers is reduced, because of the high ratio of freshers against the experienced staff. In other words, this helps in cutting the outlays. For instance, many large scale companies, are choosing to hire freshers and provide the necessary training rather than hiring the skilled workers. The success of firms is vital for the development of a country. However, such a transition can also have detrimental effects on the society by causing more unemployment issues in the older age group. In conclusion, an increasing number of youngsters as seen in many countries is greatly advantageous to the economic-stability of the society. However, it is integral that people in the older age groups are protected by proper labour laws.
Currently
, the
overall
proportion of
people
in the adolescent age group is
significantly
greater than the figure for those older, in several nations. More
people
in the productive years of their
lives
, is
certainly
advantageous to the economy,
because
of their increased competencies to contribute to the development of a country, though there are a few disadvantages. In this essay, we will discuss how this situation is beneficial.

The number of
people
joining the work force
largely
depends on the young adult population,
so
an increasing number of youngsters, is
highly
beneficial to the economy.
Subsequently
, the potential for trade
is increased
in consequence, to more
labour
force.
For example
, a report published by the US Business Weekly claimed that Arizona's GDP raised by two-fifths, with an increase in the adolescent population who
joined
the
labour
force, over a
5 year
period.
Hence
, a rising figure for youngsters will benefit the economy by boosting trade.

One other advantage is that, the burden on the firms for providing benefits for the more experienced workers is
reduced
,
because
of the high ratio of freshers against the experienced staff.
In other words
, this
helps
in cutting the outlays.
For instance
,
many
large scale
companies
, are choosing to hire freshers and provide the necessary training
rather
than hiring the skilled workers. The success of firms is vital for the development of a country.
However
, such a transition can
also
have detrimental effects on the society by causing more unemployment issues in the older age group.

In conclusion
, an increasing number of youngsters as
seen
in
many
countries is
greatly
advantageous to the economic-stability of the society.
However
, it is integral that
people
in the older age groups
are protected
by proper
labour
laws.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 35

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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