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People in your area are having problems wit their internet connection. Write a letter to the company which provides the connection. In your letter. Describe the problems, Explain how they are affecting people, say what the company should do to help v.2

People in your area are having problems wit their internet connection. Write a letter to the company which provides the connection. In your letter. Describe the problems, Explain how they are affecting people, say what the company should do to help v. 2
In the last two decades, women have accessed and gained more place in the working market. Consequently, the hours away from home and children have risen incredibly. This amount of time kids are not being taken care by their mothers, is believed by many, that will make young people suffer problems such as increasing their delinquency. In my opinion, being a working woman is not related to juvenile misbehaviour and this essay will explain why. Primarily, since the 1990´s mothers have been getting jobs at increasing rates, henceforth they are receiving a salary. This income, is not only helping the familiar daily economy, but also allows the access to a private education which is clearly a safer experience for kids. For example, many paid schools have the benefit of full time schedule, keeping children away from the streets. In summary, having a high family income, which is achieved when both parents work, decreases considerably youth crime by accessing to better institutes where children can stay for long hours being educated. It is important to address that, in spite mothers spend long hours away from home to attend their jobs, it does not mean that they will neglect their children by doing so. Women can manage to do multiple activities and doing them correctly. Mothers can be there for their kids when arriving home, and from work as well. For instance, can leave work to get them from school and take them to extracurricular classes. Not only by driving them, but also by helping them with homeworks and daily decisions, mothers are always taking care of their children. Many women work, and in spite of that, their kids do not end up in jail. This is due to the reason that when at home, mothers transmit family and social values to their sons and daughters continuously. In conclusion, I disagree with the opinion that the increase in female jobs nowadays, will have a direct consequence in the rise of crime among adolescents. Oppositely, having extra salaries and quality time with children at home can make them happy and keep them away from criminal activities. Alarming as it sounds, staying at home can be disadvantageous for the child raising because life is harder with less money and family environment can become hostile for kids when mothers remain at home all day long.
In the last two decades, women have accessed and gained more place in the working market.
Consequently
, the hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from home and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have risen
incredibly
. This amount of time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are not
being taken
care by their mothers,
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suffer problems such as increasing their delinquency. In my opinion, being a working woman is not related to juvenile
Possible spelling mistake. 'misbehaviour' is British English.
misbehaviour
and this essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why.

Primarily
, since the
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "1990s".
1990´s
mothers have been getting jobs at increasing rates, henceforth they are receiving a salary. This income, is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
helping the familiar daily economy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the access to a private education which is
clearly
a safer experience for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
paid schools have the benefit of full time schedule, keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from the streets. In summary, having a high family income, which
is achieved
when both parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, decreases
considerably
youth crime by accessing to better institutes where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can stay for long hours
being educated
.

It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to address that, in spite mothers spend long hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from home to attend their jobs, it does not mean that they will neglect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. Women can manage to do multiple activities and doing them
correctly
. Mothers can be there for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
when arriving home, and from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as well
.
For instance
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them from school and take them to extracurricular classes. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by driving them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
by helping them with
Possible spelling mistake found.
homeworks
and daily decisions, mothers are always taking care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
that, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in jail. This is due to the reason that when at home, mothers transmit family and social values to their sons and daughters
continuously
.

In conclusion
, I disagree with the opinion that the increase in female jobs nowadays, will have a direct consequence in the rise of crime among adolescents.
Oppositely
, having extra salaries and quality time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at home can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from criminal activities. Alarming as it sounds, staying at home can be disadvantageous for the child raising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
life is harder with less money and family environment can become hostile for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
when mothers remain at home all day long.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay People in your area are having problems wit their internet connection. Write a letter to the company which provides the connection. In your letter. Describe the problems, Explain how they are affecting people, say what the company should do to help v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
390 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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