Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

People in society work in many different settings, and for a variety of reasons. What do you think is the main reason why people have jobs? • to feel happier about their lives • to save money for the future • to develop new skills v.2

People in society work in many different settings, and for a variety of reasons. What do you think is the main reason why people have jobs? • to feel happier about their lives • to save money for the future • to develop new skills v. 2
Today’s most of the family members have a job, unlike in the past that just the father worked and covered the financial aspect of his family. Although it seems most people work for financial purposes, I believe that there is a more important reason behind this, which is happiness. I feel this way because of two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. First of all, in Persian, we have an expression it says ‘’ money brings happiness with itself’’. It means wealthy people have a more comfortable life and their satisfication of living is higher. Because they can have anything they want. Such as traveling where ever they want, having a great house, buying expensive stuff, etc. Not only that but also they experience all of these facilities in the best quality which exists. Consequently, I believe that today’s most people work to reach this level of life, not just earning money to spend their daily needs. Second, money is a good friend not only in happy days but also in hardship. It is completely obvious that rich people can spend their hard days more comfortable than poor people because most of the time, money can solve any problem. Because, even in hard times, money always brings with itself better equipment, treatment, doctors and hospitals, teachers, etc. I have a compelling example of this; my grandfather is a very wealthy man. Almost ten years ago, my grandmother got horrible cancer. Although she could not resist more than one year, my grandfather provided her the best treatment, doctors, nurses, etc. And after her death, despite the fact that she could not defeat the disease, my grandfather was satisfied inside that he could provide the best things for her. Consequently, he dealt with this event more easily, since he knew that he did anything he could to help her, and he did not have any regret. To sum up, I firmly believe that behind every person’s job there is a bigger purpose than just earning money. People go to work to have a happier and more comfortable life than usual in their proper and healthy days and their hardships.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s most of the family members have a job, unlike in the past that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the father worked and covered the financial aspect of his family. Although it seems most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work for financial purposes, I believe that there is a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason behind this, which is happiness. I feel this way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in Persian, we have an expression it says ‘’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
brings happiness with itself’’. It means wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a more comfortable life and their
Possible spelling mistake found.
satisfication
of living is higher.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
they can have anything they want. Such as traveling where ever they want, having a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, buying expensive stuff, etc. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they experience all of these facilities in the best quality which exists.
Consequently
, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work to reach this level of life, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to spend their daily needs.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
friend not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in happy days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in hardship. It is completely obvious that rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can spend their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
days more comfortable than poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can solve any problem.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, even in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
always brings with itself better equipment, treatment, doctors and hospitals, teachers, etc. I have a compelling example of this; my grandfather is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
wealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
. Almost ten years ago, my grandmother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
horrible cancer. Although she could not resist more than one year, my grandfather provided her the best treatment, doctors, nurses, etc. And after her death, despite the fact that she could not defeat the disease, my grandfather
was satisfied
inside that he could provide the best things for her.
Consequently
, he dealt with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
more
easily
, since he knew that he did anything he could to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
her, and he did not have any regret.

To sum up, I
firmly
believe that behind every person’s job there is a bigger purpose than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
go to work to have a happier and more comfortable life than usual in their proper and healthy days and their hardships.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay People in society work in many different settings, and for a variety of reasons. What do you think is the main reason why people have jobs? • to feel happier about their lives • to save money for the future • to develop new skills v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts