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People in society work in many different settings, and for a variety of reasons. What do you think is the main reason why people have jobs? • to feel happier about their lives • to save money for the future • to develop new skills v.1

People in society work in many different settings, and for a variety of reasons. What do you think is the main reason why people have jobs? • to feel happier about their lives • to save money for the future • to develop new skills v. 1
Nowadays, everywhere we can see some fruits and vegetables which are not available in many countries and use increasingly air transports to export these products. Many people say that it’s good while others say that it’s not justifiable. Despite these drawbacks, I believe that these products should be available for everyone. To outline the advantages of using air transport to export the fruits and vegetables we can say; First of all, export of these ingredients is really useful for local residents. Because it is beneficial to many farmers in the country to acquire their business. Thanks to this, they will become independent. Additionally, since many citrus fruits come in, people's health has improved. Because fruits such as kiwi, banana, orange are insanely rich in vitamins that are needed in our body. Finally, transportation provides many people with work. As more countries export fruits and vegetables, so more people are hired. On the other hand, some people believe that using air transports for this purpose is not best idea. There are several reasons for people's discontent. First, the use of air transport pollutes the air and negatively affects the environment. It is really harmful to human life and health. Second reason is that, for the export of one flight of products, a large number of resources such as energy, carbon dioxide, fuel, oil are used. In the end, this will lead to poverty of the state at the expense of such underground resources. To sum up, although many people think that using air vehicles for transportation is not good idea, but i am sure this has some advantageous for many parts of the world.
Nowadays, everywhere we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fruits
and vegetables which are not available in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
increasingly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transports
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
export
these products.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that it’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
while others say that it’s not justifiable. Despite these drawbacks, I believe that these products should be available for everyone.

To outline the advantages of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
export
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fruits
and vegetables we can say;
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
export
of these ingredients is
really
useful for local residents.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
it is beneficial to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
farmers in the country to acquire their business. Thanks to this, they will become independent.
Additionally
, since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
citrus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fruits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fruits
such as kiwi, banana, orange are
insanely
rich in vitamins that
are needed
in our body.
Finally
, transportation provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with work. As more countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
export
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fruits
and vegetables,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are hired
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transports
for this purpose is
A determiner is probably missing here: "not the best".
not best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. There are several reasons for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's discontent.
First
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
pollutes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
and
negatively
affects the environment. It is
really
harmful to human life and health. Second reason is that, for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
export
of one flight of products,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
resources such as energy, carbon dioxide, fuel, oil are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, this will lead to poverty of the state at the expense of such underground resources.

To sum up, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
vehicles for transportation is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
am sure this has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantageous for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People in society work in many different settings, and for a variety of reasons. What do you think is the main reason why people have jobs? • to feel happier about their lives • to save money for the future • to develop new skills v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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