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In order to be truly employable the educated person should be able to demonstrate not just knowledge but also the ability to work independently in teams How can teamwork best be encouraged and assessed in educational settings v.1

In order to be truly employable the educated person should be able to demonstrate not just knowledge but also the ability to work independently in teams How can teamwork best be encouraged and assessed in educational settings v. 1
Money places a vital role in each sector of the economy because it is the life blood of development. It is argued that capital should be spent on new public facilities such as historical museums or public halls instead of repairing existing ones. I totally disagree with this statement because is thought that there are some other important aspects to spend valuable resources of ministry such as the discipline, fitness and the defence. Regime earned income from taxes paid by the citizens so it is significant to spend such resources on most valuable aspects. There are various other departments such as the learning the strength and the defence which are primary important that public parks, museums and town halls. In most of the country's the present situation of education is degraded only because of lack of sufficient budget. As a result, the illiteracy level is up to the peak. Therefore, in such countries state should not spend their limited income on construction of the new buildings they must spend their capital on most needy sectors to develop their nation position in the world in lieu of education and health. Moreover, the country's power should focus on the renovation of old historical monuments because it will not put a financial burden on authorities and they can manage it in easy way. It will provide them assistance in two ways. Firstly, administration can save their huge resources which they can use them in the future for public welfare. Secondly, after restoration, many tourists will attract towards historical buildings which will help to generate tourist revenue for the union. To sum up, although, the idea of building new public facilities is not bad politics should focus on other necessary aspects of citizens if they have limited resources. Every nation should grow themselves of their citizens are sound in the basic needs of life such as a sound education, and a sound well-being.
Money places a vital role in each sector of the economy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is the life blood of development. It
is argued
that capital should
be spent
on new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
facilities such as historical museums or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
halls
instead
of repairing existing ones. I
totally
disagree with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspects to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
valuable resources of ministry such as the discipline, fitness and the
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
.

Regime earned income from taxes paid by the citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is significant to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
such resources on most valuable aspects. There are various other departments such as the learning the strength and the
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
which are primary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
parks, museums and town halls. In most of the country's the present situation of education
is degraded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of sufficient budget.
As a result
, the illiteracy level is up to the peak.
Therefore
, in such countries state should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their limited income on construction of the new buildings they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their capital on most needy sectors to develop their nation position in the world in lieu of education and health.

Moreover
, the country's power should focus on the renovation of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
historical monuments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will not put a financial burden on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
authorities and
they can manage it in easy way. It will provide them assistance in two ways.
Firstly
, administration can save their huge resources which they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them in the future for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
welfare.
Secondly
, after restoration,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tourists will attract towards historical buildings which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to generate tourist revenue for the union.

To sum up, although, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of building new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
facilities is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
politics should focus on other necessary aspects of citizens if they have limited resources. Every nation should grow themselves of their citizens are sound in the basic needs of life such as a sound education, and a sound well-being.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay In order to be truly employable the educated person should be able to demonstrate not just knowledge but also the ability to work independently in teams How can teamwork best be encouraged and assessed in educational settings v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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