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Many people believe that in order to have clean and tidy streets in their neighbourhood, this should be the residents's responsibility; while others think, it shoud be the government's duty. What is your opinion? v.2

Many people believe that in order to have clean and tidy streets in their neighbourhood, this should be the residents's responsibility; while others think, it shoud be the government's duty. What is your opinion? v. 2
There are those who think that protecting surroundings is the responsibility of individuals. While some feel that the government has the pivotal duty in this. To me, both points need to come together due to their each importances. On the one hand, it is not undeniable that conserving the neighbourhood is a matter that everyone should concern about. The reason is, the environment is built by its people, if they want it to be clean and tidy, they have to make efforts to protect it; otherwise it will be a mess with the big problems. People seem to think that it does not matter to litter due to not realise the value of the environment. They can create stricter laws to cut down the number of litters, or encourage factories changing their location from urban areas to rural zones for decreasing the damaged effects of the polluted air, so on. For example, it could be seen that cleanliness of the surroundings depends on individuals' act. Therefore, they need to have an equal responsibility as the government On the other hand, government plays a significant role in sustaining the environment. As an authority, government could frame suitable policies that influence positively to people's acts in preserving surroundings. For example, it is not an obvious thing for Singapore to become the cleanest nation in the world. With the strict law of environmental protection of government (fine up to $1000 for smoking in public places, $300 for littering small items in the first time, etc. ). Thus, each citizen compels to do that as a duty and obligation. With regards to environmental issues, I reckon that the duty of government and residents should work hand in hand order to maintain and preserve our Mother nature as much as possible.
There are those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that protecting surroundings is the responsibility of individuals.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feel that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has the pivotal duty in this. To me, both points need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together due to their each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "(importances)"?
importances
.

On the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
, it is not undeniable that conserving the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
is a matter that everyone should concern about. The reason is, the environment
is built
by its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, if they want it to be clean and tidy, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
efforts to protect it;
otherwise
it will be a mess with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problems.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
seem to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it does not matter to litter due to not
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
the value of the environment. They can create stricter laws to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down the number of litters, or encourage factories changing their location from urban areas to rural zones for decreasing the damaged effects of the polluted air,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
For example
, it could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that cleanliness of the surroundings depends on individuals' act.
Therefore
, they need to have an equal responsibility as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government


On the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
plays a significant role in sustaining the environment. As an authority,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could frame suitable policies that influence
positively
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's acts in preserving surroundings.
For example
, it is not an obvious thing for Singapore to become the cleanest nation in the world. With the strict law of environmental protection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
(fine up to $1000 for smoking in public places, $300 for littering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
items in the
first
time, etc.
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
.
Thus
, each citizen compels to do that as a duty and obligation.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
environmental issues, I reckon that the duty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and residents should work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
order to maintain and preserve our Mother nature as much as possible.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that in order to have clean and tidy streets in their neighbourhood, this should be the residents's responsibility; while others think, it shoud be the government's duty. What is your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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