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as countries develop,people tend to buy more and more cars. Do you think the advantages for individuals outweigh the disadvantages for environment?

As countries develop, people tend to buy more and more cars. Do you thing the advantages for the individual outweigh the disadvantages for the environment? v. 3
Over the years with technological and economical development, it has become a common tendency for people to but more cars. It has both advantages and disadvantages, the locomotion with help of cars has become far more convenient and time saving. Meanwhile, increased number of cars have resulted in exploitation of natural fuels and contributed to environmental pollution. In my opinion the disadvantages caused by buying more cars is way beyond the advantages it brings to the buyers. Increase in economy has uplifted the financial situation of individuals thereby making them able fulfill their needs. In order to conveniently commute to different locations, which could be travelling to office and back home, every individual wish to own a car. This is quite thoughtful reason being travelling by local transport is nowadays very hectic and time consuming. For example, travelling by local buses and trains can be very tiring because they are overcrowded and there is hardly any place to sit. Most of the times the buses are delayed and people often reach late at their destination. Cars have raised the living standard of people by providing them comfort and ease to travel as per their needs. On the other hand, increased purchase and usage of cars is contributing to the degradation of our environment. As we know more cars imply more usage of natural flues, which is already in limited quantity, resulting in more environmental pollution. Studies show that the countries such as Germany, where public transport is the major mode of locomotion, has less air pollution in comparison to countries such as India, where individual cars are the main means of transportation. Therefore, it is crucial to understand that the damage done to the environment is not repairable This essay argued the advantage and disadvantages of buying more cards. I strongly believe that the disadvantages of having more cars for environment outweigh its advantages for people. We are borrowing the environment and its natural fuels from our future generations and must use it wisely.
Over the years with technological and
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
development, it has become a common tendency for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
. It has both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and disadvantages, the locomotion with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
has become far more convenient and time saving. Meanwhile, increased number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
have resulted in exploitation of natural fuels and contributed to environmental pollution. In my opinion the disadvantages caused by buying more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is way beyond the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
it brings to the buyers.

Increase in economy has uplifted the financial situation of individuals thereby making them able fulfill their needs. In order to
conveniently
commute to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
locations, which could be travelling to office and back home, every individual wish to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
. This is quite thoughtful reason being travelling by local transport is nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
hectic and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
.
For example
, travelling by local buses and trains can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tiring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are overcrowded
and there is hardly any place to sit.
Consider using "most of the time" if you mean "usually" or "very often".
Most of the times
the buses
are delayed
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
reach late at their destination.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cars
have raised the living standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by providing them comfort and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
to travel as per their needs.

On the other hand
, increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
and usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is contributing to the degradation of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. As we know more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
imply more usage of natural flues, which is already in limited quantity, resulting in more environmental pollution. Studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that the countries such as Germany, where public transport is the major mode of locomotion, has less air pollution
in comparison
to countries such as India, where individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
are the main means of transportation.
Therefore
, it is crucial to understand that the damage done to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
is not repairable

This essay argued the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
and disadvantages of buying more cards. I
strongly
believe that the disadvantages of having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
outweigh its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. We are borrowing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
and its natural fuels from our future generations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
wisely
.
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Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay as countries develop, people tend to buy more and more cars. Do you think the advantages for individuals outweigh the disadvantages for environment?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
334 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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