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People in all modern societies use drugs, but today’s youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an increasingly early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example. Discuss the causes and some effects of widespread drug use by young people in modern day society v.5

People in all modern societies use drugs, but today’s youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an increasingly early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example. Discuss the causes and some effects of widespread drug use by young people in modern day society v. 5
Of late, consumption of drugs has been prevailing concern insignificant part of the world. In modern society drugs abuse increased due to parents and social circle. Some sociologist claims that parents and guider play vital role to increase the drug ratio. Following paragraphs would elucidate the causes and effects of drugs intimation and also propose a handful remedial measures. To commence with the reason, First and foremost is to use of drugs by parents. Some parents take legal as well illegal drugs in front of children because of work pressures and relief the mental stresses. For instance, In recent media had an evidence that a single, divorced mother takes drugs in Punjab state because of loneliness as well forgot the past events. Secondly, some people are more influenced to take drugs to increase the muscles and body growths. By drugs adoption on a regular basis, they easily depended on it. As a result, they have become a habit in a faster way. Moving further, into the effects of excesses of drugs. First of all, drugs cripple the our organs like a liver, lungs and so on. As a result, people cannot live a healthy lifestyle. The second point of view is that peoples are more easily addicted with it an early age. So, they could not control themselves to take it the same. Overall, their mental health would be disturbed. To recapitulate, I would like to state that the government should take initiate regarding all unnecessary drugs as well they have to ban all illegal drugs. Also individuals support the drug abuse of a rehabilitation process.
Of late, consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
has been prevailing concern insignificant part of the world. In modern society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
abuse increased due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and social circle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
sociologist claims that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and guider play vital role to increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
ratio. Following paragraphs would elucidate the causes and effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
intimation and
also
propose a handful remedial measures.

To commence with the reason,
First
and foremost is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
take legal
as well
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
in front of children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of work pressures and relief the mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
.
For instance
, In recent media had an evidence that a single, divorced mother takes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
in Punjab state
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of loneliness
as well
forgot the past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more influenced to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
to increase the muscles and body growths. By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
adoption on a regular basis, they
easily
depended on it.
As a result
, they have become a habit in a faster way.

Moving
further
, into the effects of excesses of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
cripple
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "our organs" or "the organs"?
the our organs
like a liver, lungs and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy lifestyle. The second point of view is that peoples are more
easily
addicted with it an early age.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they could not control themselves to take it the same.
Overall
, their mental health would
be disturbed
.

To recapitulate, I would like to state that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take initiate regarding all unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
as well
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
ban all illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
individuals support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
abuse of a rehabilitation process.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay People in all modern societies use drugs, but today’s youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an increasingly early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example. Discuss the causes and some effects of widespread drug use by young people in modern day society v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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