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Not enough students around the world choose to study science subjects at university. What are the reasons for this? What impact does this issue have on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. v.1

Not enough students around the world choose to study science subjects at university. What are the reasons for this? What impact does this issue have on society? v. 1
The worldwide statistics have shown recently that not many students are motivated to select science subjects as their future educational field at the University. It seems that new technologies, especially information technology, have been created a wide rage of interesting fields for students who want to start studying in University. If we consider these more in details, we will find out fewer students in science is likely to be justified. For instance, there are disciplines like marketing, business or even robotic which nowadays have the potential using the cyber space and social media give the young scientist possibility to test their ideas with low investments any acceptable risks and huge benefits in successful cases. Uber, Amazon and Ebay are the most famous samples of these startups which became tremendously huge, rich and successful companies with thousands of employees. In comparison, the science is not able today present these opportunities. The other factor which plays a determining role is the education method in schools and high schools. They are applying old fashioned methods for science courses like physic, chemistry or biology. Therefore, the picture of these topics which illustrates in the student's mind will not be interesting or fascinating. Not surprisingly, science is not a more wonderful dream world for many students now. Consequently, we are observing that researchers focus on the application of the existing knowledge in science which developed before rather than fundamental topics. For example, we can obviously consider this subject for new antibiotics. Even though we need to develop new antibiotics with rising the strength of bacteria against the present, antibiotics, the pharmaceutical's companies are not financially willing to invest there. All in all today the new studying courses are financial and occupational much more fascinating for students. However, we should not ignore the weakness of old fashioned education method which are applying now. These factors led to lack of researchers who occupy in the fundamental topics which are most vital to long term.
The worldwide statistics have shown recently that not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are motivated
to select
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
subjects as their future educational field at the University.

It seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technologies,
especially
information technology, have
been created
a wide rage of interesting fields for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
studying in University. If we consider these more in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, we will find out fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
is likely to
be justified
.
For instance
, there are disciplines like marketing, business or even robotic which nowadays
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "has".
have
the potential using the cyber space and social media give the young scientist possibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with low investments any acceptable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and huge benefits in successful cases. Uber, Amazon and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ebay
are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
samples of these startups which became
tremendously
huge, rich and successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
with thousands of employees.
In comparison
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
is not able
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
present these opportunities.

The other factor which plays a determining role is the education method in schools and high schools. They are applying
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
old fashioned
methods for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
courses like physic, chemistry or biology.
Therefore
, the picture of these topics which illustrates in the student's mind will not be interesting or fascinating. Not
surprisingly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
is not a more wonderful dream world for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
Consequently
, we are observing that researchers focus on the application of the existing knowledge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
which developed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
rather
than fundamental topics.
For example
, we can
obviously
consider this subject for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
antibiotics.
Even though
we need to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
antibiotics with rising the strength of bacteria against the present, antibiotics, the pharmaceutical's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are not
financially
willing to invest there.

All in all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
studying courses are financial and occupational much more fascinating for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
However
, we should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the weakness of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
old fashioned
education method which are applying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. These factors led to lack of researchers who occupy in the fundamental topics which are most vital to long term.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Not enough students around the world choose to study science subjects at university. What are the reasons for this? What impact does this issue have on society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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