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Many people think that job security is more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Many people think that job security is more important than job satisfaction. v. 1
In modern era, many are of the opinion that pursuing a stable job is much more vital than a satisfying job. While I believe that job security can be beneficial in a certain extent, the feeling of satisfaction regarding a career is far more critical. Indeed, if a person has a steady career, he or she will not worry about source of income. This means that job security allows a person to make ends meet, thereby enabling them to not only financially support themselves but their family members. Landing a permanent job prevents people to avoid the feeling of pressure when it comes to financial problems because they can receive regular paychecks. This is really essential to everyone since it helps them to stay away from poverty and stabilize their life. The option of being a manager of a restaurant, for example, will certainly allow a person to achieve stable income, therefore avoiding financial burden. That being said, it would be more pivotal to choose a job that is fulfilling. A high percentage of employees in today’s world are not satisfying with their chosen jobs, leading to the reduction in productivity. To this end, they will feel more motivated and energized if they find the very true pleasure of the jobs that they are doing. In addition, opting for a passionate job also enables people to develop higher level of creativity. This is because they are more willing to take risks and freely come up with different ideas while handling a task, giving rise to the increase of efficacy of work. An individual who follows the occupation of painting, for instance, can wholeheartedly devote his or her all-time passion to the job and is more likely to generate impeccable works. In conclusion, although choosing a job of security can reduce high risks of life instability, a happier job will help people to promote creativity and productivity. Therefore, job fulfillment should be highly prioritized.
In modern era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are of the opinion that pursuing a stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is much more vital than a satisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. While I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security can be beneficial in a certain extent, the feeling of satisfaction regarding a career is far more critical.

Indeed
, if a person has a steady career, he or she will not worry about source of income. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
a person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
, thereby enabling them to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
financially
support themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their family members. Landing a permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to avoid the feeling of pressure when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to financial problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can receive regular paychecks. This is
really
essential to everyone since it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to stay away from poverty and stabilize their life. The option of being a manager of a restaurant,
for example
, will
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
a person to achieve stable income,
therefore
avoiding financial burden.

That
being said
, it would be more pivotal to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that is
fulfilling. A high percentage of employees in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world are not satisfying with their chosen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, leading to the reduction in productivity. To this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, they will feel more motivated and energized if they find the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
true pleasure of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that they are doing.
In addition
, opting for a passionate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
also
enables
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to develop higher level of creativity. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are more willing to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and
freely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
while handling a task, giving rise to the increase of efficacy of work. An individual who follows the occupation of painting,
for instance
, can
wholeheartedly
devote
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
all-time passion to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and is more likely to generate impeccable works.

In conclusion
, although choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
of security can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of life instability, a happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to promote creativity and productivity.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
fulfillment should be
highly
prioritized.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Many people think that job security is more important than job satisfaction. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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