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Nowadays, more people are migrating to other countries than ever before. In over to become integrated into society in their adopted countries, immigrants should abandon their old ways and adapt to local customs and codes of behaviors. Do you agree or disagree. v.3

Nowadays, more people are migrating to other countries than ever before. In over to become integrated into society in their adopted countries, immigrants should abandon their old ways and adapt to local customs and codes of behaviors. v. 3
These days, it seems that a large number of people are migrating to other countries than previous decades. This has become questionable for immigrants to follow migrated nations rituals and lifestyle. Although some people disagree, whereas I completely agree that it is the responsibility of immigrants to adopt rules, regulations and behaviours of the new country. In my assertion, there are two primary reasons for this which will be described with compelling examples. Firstly, It is vital that newcomers observe the laws of their adopted country for the sake of social order. One good example of this is road rules, imagine that if people refused to drive on the same side of the road. It is, therefore, necessary for all-immigrants to ensure that they observe the law in their new country, regardless of any differences to laws in their home country. Secondly, and most importantly, though, in order to maintain social cohesion it is essential that newcomers respect the social norms of their adopted country. Of course, having a mixture of various cultures and traditions gives a country colour and vibrant; however I would contend that too much cultural diversity undermines a society by alienating people from each other/ It is my belief that similarities unite people, whereas differences have a tendency to divide. A strong society is homogenous society with shared values and goals. By way of conclusion, I believe that the issue is likely to become even more important in future as border between countries become increasingly blurred. It, therefore, demands out further consideration.
These days, it seems that
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are migrating to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
than previous decades. This has become questionable for immigrants to follow migrated nations rituals and lifestyle. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
disagree, whereas I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is the responsibility of immigrants to adopt
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, regulations and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
of the new country.

In my assertion, there are two primary reasons for this which will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
with compelling examples.

Firstly
, It is vital that newcomers observe the laws of their adopted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for the sake of social order. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this is road
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, imagine that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
refused to drive on the same side of the road. It is,
therefore
, necessary for all-immigrants to ensure that they observe the law in their new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, regardless of any differences to laws in their home country.

Secondly
, and most
importantly
, though, in order to maintain social cohesion it is essential that newcomers respect the social norms of their adopted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Of course
, having a mixture of various cultures and traditions gives a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
and vibrant;
however
I would contend that too much cultural diversity undermines a society by alienating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from each other/ It is my belief that similarities unite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, whereas differences have a tendency to divide. A strong society is homogenous society with shared values and goals.

By way of conclusion, I believe that the issue is likely to become even more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in future as border between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
become
increasingly
blurred. It,
therefore
, demands out
further
consideration.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Nowadays, more people are migrating to other countries than ever before. In over to become integrated into society in their adopted countries, immigrants should abandon their old ways and adapt to local customs and codes of behaviors. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
256 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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