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People equate a good salary with success Some say that money is not what will make you successful In your own opinion what will make a person truly successful Give specific reasons and examples to support you answer v.1

People equate a good salary with success Some say that money is not what will make you successful In your own opinion what will make a person truly successful Give specific reasons and examples to support you answer v. 1
In today's era of modernisation, some advocates promote home schooling for their children while another section of people believes that a traditional school based education is important for a child's development. I strongly believe that the conventional method is definitely more advantageous over teaching children at home. I would like to highlight 3 main advantages of educating a child in an institution, a system that has been in place for centuries. Firstly, studies show that children learn better in groups. This can be understood by the fact that it encourages healthy competition among pupils. As a result, it develops students who are better suited for the fast paced and highly competitive world of the future. Secondly, a school can teach children what a parent/ single teacher coming to their own residence can not. A wider variety of teachers have their own skill set to offer. As a result, those attending schools will acquire a number of values from all their mentors. Thirdly, this education system has proved to raise kids who know how to behave in society. The reason behind this is that pupils spend hours with each other, thus forming friendships and relationships that last a lifetime. I also agree that there are 3 major reasons why a parent would prefer home education for their child. Primarily, data suggest that there has been a sharp rise in bullying and peer pressure in the 21st century. Therefore, a number of kids who are bullied on a daily basis are slipping into depression and have other mental health issues by the time they graduate. Furthermore, a key point that is in favour of the youth of today being educated at their own residence is that they can get individual attention. It is indeed difficult for educators to give time to each individual during their busy schedule. Lastly, parents with offspring who are born with genetic defects and diseases fall behind as compared to their fellow batch mates. For example, children with down's syndrome learn far better when they are imparted teachings in a safe and secure environment. Ultimately, levelling the playing field. To conclude, there are advantages and disadvantages of each system, but I firmly stand by the fact that parents should send their children to schools for their overall character development and personality formation.
In
today
's era of
modernisation
,
some
advocates promote
home schooling
for their
children
while another section of
people
believes that a traditional
school
based education is
important
for a child's development. I
strongly
believe that the conventional method is definitely more advantageous over teaching
children
at home.

I would like to highlight 3 main advantages of educating a child in an institution, a system that has been in place for centuries.
Firstly
, studies
show
that
children
learn better in groups. This can
be understood
by the fact that it encourages healthy competition among pupils.
As a result
, it develops students
who
are better suited for the
fast
paced and
highly
competitive world of the future.
Secondly
, a
school
can teach
children
what a parent/ single teacher coming to their
own
residence can not. A wider variety of teachers have their
own
skill
set to offer.
As a result
, those attending
schools
will acquire a number of values from all their mentors.
Thirdly
, this education system has proved to raise kids
who
know how to behave in society. The reason behind this is that pupils spend hours with each other,
thus
forming friendships and relationships that last a lifetime.

I
also
agree
that there are 3 major reasons why a parent would prefer home education for their child.
Primarily
, data suggest that there has been a sharp rise in bullying and peer pressure in the 21st century.
Therefore
, a number of kids
who
are bullied
on a daily basis are slipping into depression and have other mental health issues by the time they graduate.
Furthermore
, a key point
that is
in
favour
of the youth of
today
being educated
at their
own
residence is that they can
get
individual attention. It is
indeed
difficult for educators to give time to each individual during their busy schedule.
Lastly
, parents with offspring
who
are born
with genetic defects and diseases fall behind as compared to their fellow batch mates.
For example
,
children
with down's syndrome learn far better when they
are imparted
teachings in a safe and secure environment.
Ultimately
, levelling the playing field.

To conclude
, there are advantages and disadvantages of each system,
but
I
firmly
stand by the fact that parents should
send
their
children
to
schools
for their
overall
character development and personality formation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay People equate a good salary with success Some say that money is not what will make you successful In your own opinion what will make a person truly successful Give specific reasons and examples to support you answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
384 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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