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Parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for their (13 to 19 year-old) teenage children. Use specific reasons and examples to support your writing. v.1

Parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for their (13 to 19 year-old) teenage children. Use specific reasons and examples to support your writing. v. 1
Life is always changing, and it's not always working the way that we want. While some people believe that it is best to accept such bad situation, others prefer to try and improve the condition. There are valid arguments on both sides, and I will discuss them now. On the one hand, those who believe that accepting what you have actually made you less stressful, even if the situation is really bad. Furthermore, they also point out that behaving that way is somewhat relieving and teach us to really appreciate every little things in life. Lastly, it also makes us a happier person than others who can't, even though sometimes their condition are far more acceptable than ours. For example, we are more likely to find a happy poor person than the wealthy one. On the other hand, people who think the opposite believe that they have the will and the power to change their destiny to a better one. They also say that by doing this they become a better person than before, even if they failed to improve those kind of situation. Lastly, it will teach us to be a person who does not give up so easily, and always improving every time. In conclusion, I tend to agree that it is better to try and improve things and not give up that easily on what we have now. But, we also have to be able to accept the condition once we have tried to do something and it still not working the way we want in the end.
Life is always changing, and it's not always working the way that we want. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it is best to accept such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situation, others prefer to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the condition. There are valid arguments on both sides, and I will discuss them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

On the one hand, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
believe that accepting what you have actually made you less stressful, even if the situation is
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
Furthermore
, they
also
point out that behaving that way is somewhat relieving and teach us to
really
appreciate every
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
things in life.
Lastly
, it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us a happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
than others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can't,
even though
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
their condition are far more acceptable than ours.
For example
, we are more likely to find a happy poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
than the wealthy one.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the opposite believe that they have the will and the power to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their destiny to a better one. They
also
say that by doing this they become a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, even if they failed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
Did you mean "this kind" or "those kinds"?
those kind
of situation.
Lastly
, it will teach us to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
does not give up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
easily
, and always improving every time.

In conclusion
, I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is better to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
things and not give up that
easily
on what we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, we
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be able to accept the condition once we have tried to do something and it
still
not working the way we want in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for their (13 to 19 year-old) teenage children. Use specific reasons and examples to support your writing. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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