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People eat more processed food than they did in the past. Why is this? What are the effects of this? v.7

People eat more processed food than they did in the past. Why is this? What are the effects of this? v. 7
Undoubtedly, nowadays peoples' eating habits have changed and such change involves that people have tended to consume more processed food than ever before in the past. Shift in this approach is due to present's hectic lifestyle. However, this approach is associated with many health related problems. To begin with, owing to the fast paced modern lifestyle, people have staarted to consume processed food. To simply put this, current global market is extremely competitive, due to which people are required to work harder and longer hours than they worked in the past and this trend simply takes their cooking time away. For example, according to a research, more than half of the employees in Newyork, nowadays, spend most of their time at work instead of cooking their meals at home. Therefore, modern way of living allow people to be more competitive and stay emphasised at work, rather than actually devoting their time to cook fresh lunches and dinners. However, there are serious consequences on individual's heath because of growth in processed food consumption. Clearly, processed food is made by altering it's natural form for peoples' comfort and convenience, such as to make it taste better, though, this process may invlove adding chemicals, preservatives and sugar. Consequently, consumers may be taking additional amount of sugar than recommended. Thus, health problems namely, diabetes, cardiovascular disease and obesity are directly connected to consumption of convenience food. To conclude, being competitive in the global market has changed people to eat more processed food and people have been facing problems associated with their health.
Undoubtedly
, nowadays peoples' eating habits have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
involves that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have tended to consume more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
in the past. Shift in this approach is due to present's hectic lifestyle.
However
, this approach
is associated
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health related problems.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, owing to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced modern lifestyle,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
Possible spelling mistake found.
staarted
to consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. To
simply
put this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
global market is
extremely
competitive, due to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are required
to work harder and longer hours than they worked in the past and this trend
simply
takes their cooking time away.
For example
, according to a research, more than half of the employees in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Newyork
, nowadays, spend most of their time at work
instead
of cooking their meals at home.
Therefore
, modern way of living
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be more competitive and stay
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasised' is British English.
emphasised
at work,
rather
than actually devoting their time to cook fresh lunches and dinners.

However
, there are serious consequences on individual's heath
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of growth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumption.
Clearly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is made
by altering
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (short form of 'it is')?
it's
natural form for peoples' comfort and convenience, such as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it taste better, though, this process may
Possible spelling mistake found.
invlove
adding chemicals, preservatives and sugar.
Consequently
, consumers may be taking additional amount of sugar than recommended.
Thus
, health problems
namely
, diabetes, cardiovascular disease and obesity are
directly
connected to consumption of convenience food.

To conclude
, being competitive in the global market has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to eat more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been facing problems associated with their health.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay People eat more processed food than they did in the past. Why is this? What are the effects of this? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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