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People eat more processed food than they did in the past. why is this? what are the effects of this? v.1

People eat more processed food than they did in the past. why is this? what are the effects of this? v. 1
People ate healthy food in the past than in the present. A fast-paced routine has forced them towards processed eatables, resulting in poor health. People wake up and begin planning for the rest of the day, leaving home without breakfast. As they are occupied continuously with a pile of work, tend to miss lunch break. People are bound by tight deadlines to achieve targets, spending most of the time on the desk. In this competitive world, it is difficult to survive in a job and you are required to prove your potential at every moment. As a result, they choose a snack to save time, so that they can have it simultaneously while working. Although, it is tastier to taste buds, harsh on the stomach. However, people are costing their life in the event of getting paid more. The primary effect of consuming unhealthy meals is bad health. It slowly deteriorates the internal body strength of a person, giving birth to many diseases and disorders. Firstly, frozen-food contains preservatives and additives which are very harmful to the human body. Secondly, it affects one's personality in terms of professional and personal, which could mean they under-perform at work and be more irritable at home. A recent survey showed that 20% of IT professionals tend to suffer from high cholesterol and blood pressure. In conclusion, due to the growing market and technology, people are extremely focused on work, sparing less time to eat. Hence grabbing fast-food to kill hunger. Maintain proper diet to build strength and be active all the time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
ate healthy food in the past than in the present. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced routine has forced them towards processed eatables, resulting in poor health.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
wake up and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
planning for the rest of the day, leaving home without breakfast. As they
are occupied
continuously
with a pile of work, tend to miss lunch break.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are bound
by tight deadlines to achieve targets, spending most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the desk. In this competitive world, it is difficult to survive in a job and you
are required
to prove your potential at every moment.
As a result
, they choose a snack to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can have it
simultaneously
while working. Although, it is tastier to taste buds, harsh on the stomach.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are costing their life in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
of getting paid more.

The primary effect of consuming unhealthy meals is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
health. It
slowly
deteriorates the internal body strength of a person, giving birth to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases and disorders.
Firstly
, frozen-food contains preservatives and additives which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful to the human body.

Secondly
, it affects one's personality in terms of professional and personal, which could mean they under-perform at work and be more irritable at home.

A recent survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 20% of IT professionals tend to suffer from high cholesterol and blood pressure.

In conclusion
, due to the growing market and technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
extremely
focused on work, sparing less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to eat.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
grabbing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food to kill hunger. Maintain proper diet to build strength and be active all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay People eat more processed food than they did in the past. why is this? what are the effects of this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
259 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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