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People eat more and more processed food than they did in the past. Why is this? What are the effects of this? v.2

People eat more and more processed food than they did in the past. Why is this? What are the effects of this? v. 2
Nowadays people consume too much processed foods compared to many years ago. This has been attributed by advances in technology and it had resulted in increased health related disease conditions. The 21st century is characterised by advances in technology which has an impact on food industry. Many foods are now being processed which used to be consumed raw in the past. Genetically modified foods are now the order of the day. For instance, long back, there was no tinned meat or pasteurized milk. The food items had all its nutrients organically, compared to nowadays, as some nutrients are removed during the processing period. In addition, life expectancy is now reduced due to outbreak of cardiovascular conditions, diabetes mellitus and cancer which are related to consumption of processed foods. Junk food is now the order of the day, as people consume whatever readily available. For example, in Zimbabwe people used to eat organic meat and vegetables without high fat content, but now they are genetically modified with high level of fat which has caused outbreak of cardiovascular conditions due high cholesterol level in the body. In conclusion, progression in technology has resulted in consumption of too many processed foods which is a hazard to health and cause early death due to food related illnesses and chemical poisons obtained during food processing.
Nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consume too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
compared to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years ago. This has
been attributed
by advances in technology and it had resulted in increased health related disease conditions.

The 21st century is
Possible spelling mistake. 'characterised' is British English.
characterised
by advances in technology which has an impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
industry.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processed
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
be consumed
raw in the past.
Genetically
modified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
the order of the day.
For instance
, long back, there was no tinned meat or pasteurized milk. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items had all its nutrients
organically
, compared to nowadays, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nutrients
are removed
during the processing period.

In addition
, life expectancy is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
due to outbreak of cardiovascular conditions, diabetes mellitus and cancer which
are related
to consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. Junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
the order of the day, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consume whatever
readily
available.
For example
, in Zimbabwe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to eat organic meat and vegetables without high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
content,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
they are
genetically
modified with high level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
which has caused outbreak of cardiovascular conditions due high cholesterol level in the body.

In conclusion
, progression in technology has resulted in consumption of too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
which is a hazard to health and cause early death due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
related illnesses and chemical poisons obtained during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
processing.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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IELTS essay People eat more and more processed food than they did in the past. Why is this? What are the effects of this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
220 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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