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People doing dangerous sports activities should be responsible for their own life and rescue workers should not risk their lives to save people doing the sports. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

People doing dangerous sports activities should be responsible for their own life and rescue workers should not risk their lives to save people doing the sports. v. 1
It is commonly believed that doing scuba diving and bungee jumping are life-threatening sports. That is why people who are into these should also be the one to save their own lives from danger without asking the help of rescuers. In my own perspective, I disagree that they should not get any help at all. There are reasons why rescuers should save people who are in danger. One is that it is their duty to save their clients from potential accidents. As per their job description, their main duty is to make sure that their clients are safe at all times. These workers are there to guide and protect the people who are interested in dangerous sports. For instance, an individual who is inclined of trying bungee jumping should be supervised and likewise check the client's capability and health status if they are fit to do this type of sports. This way, they can prevent any future accidents and injuries. Hence, rescuers ought to save people in trouble as this is their duty. Moreover, workers who are assigned in these unsafe types of sports are well trained. In order for an individual to be good at a certain sport, he should mastered the techniques, which means that these sport's employees are knowledgeable and has undergone special trainings. They know what is best for their clients. For example, in scuba diving, these employees are capable of determining how deep a person can go for diving and when it is safe. Thus, they can prevent a person from potential drowning thereby limiting the chances of risking one's life. In conclusion, while it is regarded that people who try challenging hobbies should be responsible for their own lives, I believe that everyone should be rescued from danger. Rescuers most particularly can help prevent future injuries as they know very well what can be done.
It is
commonly
believed that doing scuba diving and bungee jumping are life-threatening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
That is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are into these should
also
be the one to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
without asking the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rescuers
. In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective, I disagree that they should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
at all.

There are reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rescuers
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
. One is that it is their duty to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
their clients from potential accidents. As per their job description, their main duty is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that their clients are safe at all times. These workers are there to guide and protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are interested
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
For instance
, an individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is inclined
of trying bungee jumping should
be supervised
and
likewise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the client's capability and health status if they
are fit
to do this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. This way, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
any future accidents and injuries.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rescuers
ought to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in trouble as this is their duty.

Moreover
, workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are assigned
in these unsafe types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well trained
. In order for an individual to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, he should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "master"
mastered
the techniques, which means that these sport's employees are knowledgeable and has undergone special trainings. They know what is best for their clients.
For example
, in scuba diving, these employees are capable of determining how deep a person can go for diving and when it is safe.
Thus
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
a person from potential drowning thereby limiting the chances of risking one's life.

In conclusion
, while it
is regarded
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
try challenging hobbies should be responsible for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, I believe that everyone should
be rescued
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rescuers
most
particularly
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
future injuries as they know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well what can
be done
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay People doing dangerous sports activities should be responsible for their own life and rescue workers should not risk their lives to save people doing the sports. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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