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In some countries, there are many social problems involving teenagers. Some people say this is because parents spend much of their time at work and not at home, do you agree or disagree? v.3

In some countries, there are many social problems involving teenagers. Some people say this is because parents spend much of their time at work and not at home, v. 3
Adolescents have been involved in several problems all across the world's societies. It is a common belief that the lack of the parents' presence is a major reason for this. Since they cannot give the attention their children deserve because most of the time they are out working. This essay is going to explain why people think this and give my opinion on it. Firstly, the figures of a mother and a father are assets in building not only the character of a teenager but also their personality. Because both represent mirrors for children where they can relate while they are growing up and experiencing novel situations. In this case, they tend to automatically remember how their parents would act on that. However, when the parents are most of the time away, their children are likely to shadow of what is closest to them. For instance, films, the internet and school friends are potential influences on their behaviour. Which mostly are damaging to them. Secondly, the absence of cherish in the adolescent's upbringing can make them rebel. Since they feel abandoned as their main resource of love, parents, are distant and busy with work. Hence, they have a tendency to not behaviour in order to call the parent's attention. For example, they usually start either skipping classes, using drugs or arriving late at home. As a result, their guardians might become worried and give them the time they need. To conclude, I totally agree that parents should spend more time at home with their children instead of working. By doing this, they could prevent many social issues caused by teenagers.
Adolescents have
been involved
in several problems all across the world's societies. It is a common belief that the lack of the parents' presence is a major reason for this. Since they cannot give the attention their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
deserve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they are out working. This essay is going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this and give my opinion on it.

Firstly
, the figures of a mother and a father are assets in building not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the character of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their personality.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
both represent mirrors for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
where they can relate while they are growing up and experiencing novel situations.
In this case
, they tend to
automatically
remember how their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would act on that.
However
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
away, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are likely to shadow of what is closest to them.
For instance
, films, the internet and school friends are potential influences on their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
mostly
are damaging to them.

Secondly
, the absence of cherish in the adolescent's upbringing can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them rebel. Since they feel abandoned as their main resource of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, are distant and busy with work.
Hence
, they have a tendency to not
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in order to call the parent's attention.
For example
, they
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
either skipping classes, using drugs or arriving late at home.
As a result
, their guardians might become worried and give them the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they need.

To conclude
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
instead
of working. By doing this, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social issues caused by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, there are many social problems involving teenagers. Some people say this is because parents spend much of their time at work and not at home, v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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