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Many people try to look younger than their age. What are the reasons people do this. Do you think this is a good thing or a bad thing? v.16

Many people try to look younger than their age. What are the reasons people do this. Do you think this is a good thing or a bad thing? v. 16
It is true that in today's time, an increasing number of people are trying to delay their aging. There are reasons why this is happening, and in my own perspective, I think that this trend gives a negative impact to people. One of the primary reasons for people to attempt to become younger is due to marketing. It creates a beauty standard that people must follow. For instance, in order to become adorable and popular, one must be beautiful and skinny. Another reason is that it becomes a job requirement. The majority of the company now, requires a face value. This means that one must have a pleasing personality to get qualified in a job application. Hence, people tend to be interested in getting younger for them to have self-confidence. However, this tendency can bring drawbacks to the people. Firstly, attempting to become younger can make one's health at risk. The utilization of unnatural process in making the skin youthful can be life-threatening. For example, undergoing plastic surgery has been a cause of some health complications among men and women in Asia. Furthermore, this can be a waste of money. While people are not contented with the anti-aging product they currently used, they opt to purchase another new product, which are mostly expensive, thereby wasting their money for nothing. Thus, spending time and effort to appear young is indeed bad for people. In conclusion, people who put effort to delay aging is due to advertisement and for career qualification. Nonetheless, I consider this as dangerous to people as it can lead to health problems and dissipation of money.
It is true that in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's time, an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are trying to delay their aging. There are reasons why this is happening, and in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this trend gives a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

One of the primary reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to attempt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
younger is due to marketing. It creates a beauty standard that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
follow.
For instance
, in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
adorable and popular, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and skinny. Another reason is that it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
a job requirement. The majority of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, requires a face value. This means that one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have a pleasing personality to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
qualified in a job application.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
be interested
in getting younger for them to have self-confidence.

However
, this tendency can bring drawbacks to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
, attempting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
younger can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
one's health at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
. The utilization of unnatural process in making the skin youthful can be life-threatening.
For example
, undergoing plastic surgery has been a cause of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health complications among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women in Asia.
Furthermore
, this can be a waste of money. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not contented with the anti-aging product they
currently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
, they opt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
another new product, which are
mostly
expensive, thereby wasting their money for nothing.
Thus
, spending time and effort to appear young is
indeed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who put effort to delay aging is due to advertisement and for career qualification. Nonetheless, I consider this as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as it can lead to health problems and dissipation of money.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Many people try to look younger than their age. What are the reasons people do this. Do you think this is a good thing or a bad thing? v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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