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People doing dangerous sports activities like scuba diving and bungee jumping should be responsible for their own life and rescue workers should not rescue their lives to save people doing these sports. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

People doing dangerous sports activities like scuba diving and bungee jumping should be responsible for their own life and rescue workers should not rescue their lives to save people doing these sports. v. 3
Dangerous and reckless sports have been popular and entertaining since long ago and most people believe that the individuals who take part in these should take care of themselves and not put the lives of rescue employees at risk. I completely disagree, since it is the rescue worker's duty to save lives when in need and of course they are provided with proper equipment and training to do so. To begin with, people often participate in dangerous sports to rejuvenate their minds, to keep fit, or to be celebrities. For whatever reason, if they do get injured and get stranded in dangerous areas, it is no doubt the job of a rescue worker to try their best to help the person in need. It poses a huge threat to the rescuer, nevertheless, they have sufficient to protect themselves as well as the injured during these treacherous missions. For example, employees of the rescue services, usually undergo an intense workout to stay fit and learn basic life saving techniques such as, CPR and wound management. Furthermore, they are always in groups so that there is someone to have their backs when necessary. In addition, the government ensures that these employees have the proper attire and equipment to perform their duties. These include, protective clothing, mountain gear and so on, which enables them to be ready for any situation that may come upon them. For instance, last month, a reckless mountaineer was hanging for dear life from the top of one of the Himalaya mountains in India, since he didn't place his harnesses properly and the rescue employees had their own mountain gear to climb up the mountain and save the mountaineer. In conclusion, People participating in dangerous sports should be responsible for their own lives since they do it despite knowing the risks. However, in my opinion, rescuing these individuals when they are injured is the job of rescue workers and despite, the risks, they have enough training and the equipment to do so.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Dangerous
and reckless sports have been popular and entertaining since long ago and most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the individuals who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in these should take care of themselves and not put the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rescue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
. I completely disagree, since it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rescue
worker's duty to save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
when in need and
of course
they
are provided
with proper equipment and training
Did you mean "doing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'train' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
sports to rejuvenate their minds, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit, or to be celebrities. For whatever reason, if they do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
injured and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
stranded in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
areas, it is no doubt the job of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rescue
worker to try their best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the person in need. It poses a huge threat to the rescuer,
nevertheless
, they have sufficient to protect themselves
as well
as the injured during these treacherous missions.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rescue
services,
usually
undergo an intense workout to stay fit and learn basic life saving techniques such as, CPR and wound management.
Furthermore
, they are always in groups
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that there is someone to have their backs when necessary.

In addition
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
ensures that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
have the proper attire and equipment to perform their duties. These include, protective clothing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mountain
gear and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, which enables them to be ready for any situation that may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
upon them.
For instance
, last month, a reckless mountaineer was hanging for dear life from the top of one of the Himalaya
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mountains
in India, since he didn't place his harnesses
properly
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rescue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
had their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mountain
gear to climb up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mountain
and save the mountaineer.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
sports should be responsible for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
since they do it despite knowing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.
However
, in my opinion, rescuing these individuals when they
are injured
is the job of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rescue
workers and despite, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
training and the equipment to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay People doing dangerous sports activities like scuba diving and bungee jumping should be responsible for their own life and rescue workers should not rescue their lives to save people doing these sports. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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