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People doing dangerous sport activities like scuba diving and bungee jumping, they should be responsible for their own life and rescue workers should not risk their lives to save people. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

People doing dangerous sport activities like scuba diving and bungee jumping, they should be responsible for their own life and rescue workers should not risk their lives to save people. v. 1
Some people tend to do scuba diving and bungee jumping which known as a harmful sporting. They ought to be liable for their life, so that for saving them rescue workers should not take risk and I completely agree with this notion. To begin with, it is true that someone doing risky sporting activity such as, skydiving or scuba diving which is sometimes could be fell them in danger. Firstly, we have the responsibility to protect our own lives but if we had played such things which is caused to death or injuries our legs or bones. However, when we face trouble, rescue teams took the risks to save our lives and they sometimes confront with difficulties. For example, last year in uk a man fall in cumbersome situations by doing scuva diving and a man who went to rescued him was being dead. Furthermore, the worker whose duties to saves us when we are facing problem by doing dangerous sport activities, also have their own lifestyle to lead it without difficulty. So, they should not always takes responsibility to guard us. In addition, we have be cautious and sensible to our life and abstain from do these kinds of terrible things as like the sports which I mentioned here. Lastly, everyone must have the rights to maintain their own living which is sometimes impossible for our mistakes. Consequently, We should avoid us to playing this dangerous spot which had negative impact on other life. In conclusion, I believe that, if people leave themselves to doing this, then rescue team members won't need to take risk and all of us have a comfortable life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to do scuba diving and bungee jumping which known as a harmful sporting. They ought to be liable for their life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that for saving them rescue workers should not take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is true that someone
With the word 'that' in a subjunctive clause, use the base form of a verb: "do".
doing
risky sporting activity such as, skydiving or scuba diving which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
could be fell them in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
Firstly
, we have the responsibility to protect our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if we had played such things which
is caused
to death or injuries our legs or bones.
However
, when we face trouble, rescue teams took the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
to save our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lives and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
confront with difficulties.
For example
, last year in
Possible spelling mistake found.
uk
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
fall in cumbersome situations by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
Possible spelling mistake found.
scuva
diving and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who went to rescued him was being dead.

Furthermore
, the worker whose duties to saves us when we are facing problem by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
sport activities,
also
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
lifestyle to lead it without difficulty.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they should not always
The verb 'should' requires base form of the verb: "take"
takes
responsibility to guard us.
In addition
, we have
Use past participle here: "been".
be
cautious and sensible to our life and abstain from do these kinds of terrible things as like the sports which I mentioned here.
Lastly
, everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have the rights to maintain their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
living which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
impossible for our mistakes.
Consequently
, We should avoid us to playing this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
spot which had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on other life.

In conclusion
, I believe that, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
themselves to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
this, then rescue team members won't need to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and all of us have a comfortable life.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay People doing dangerous sport activities like scuba diving and bungee jumping, they should be responsible for their own life and rescue workers should not risk their lives to save people. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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