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People can eat a variety of food that can be grown in other areas As a result people eat more food produced in other regions than local food Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages v.1

People can eat a variety of food that can be grown in other areas As a result people eat more food produced in other regions than local food Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages v. 1
Many people believe that teachers should teach history in school. Nonetheless, others don't concur to such claims. They suggest that children should focus on subjects which are more useful for urban everyday life. In the following paragraphs that we have persuasive reasons to examine this issue in depth. First of all, the main reason that we need to share history with children is that we can learn lessons from historical events. For example, why Taiwan can have democracy? If youth want to find out the answer, they need to study the history of Taiwan. In addition, history can also teach them about the progress of Taiwan's democracy. From such examples, it demonstrates that historical activities can also help us understand more about modern issues. Another point of view that children have limited time in school, therefore, they need to focus on helpful studies. Such as language, math, or health. Take my friend, Tina, for instance, her boy Tony studied both Japanese and Spanish in the junior high school. By that way, he speaks both languages fluently, and now he is a manager of a global company. Consequently, it can be said that we do need to concentrate on some technical subjects in school. To conclude, there is not to say that historical studies are all without merit. From such studies that it could help people have more logical thinkings. Nevertheless, children do need to focus on their major studies. Therefore, teachers and parents should help them to have balance time for all of the knowledges learning.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that teachers should teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
in school. Nonetheless, others don't concur to such claims. They suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should focus on subjects which are more useful for urban everyday life. In the following paragraphs that we have persuasive reasons to examine this issue in depth.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the main reason that we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to share
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is that we can learn lessons from historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
For example
, why Taiwan can have democracy? If youth want to find out the answer, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of Taiwan.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
can
also
teach them about the progress of Taiwan's democracy. From such examples, it demonstrates that historical activities can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us understand more about modern issues.

Another point of view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have limited time in school,
therefore
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to focus on helpful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. Such as language, math, or health. Take my friend, Tina,
for instance
, her boy Tony studied both Japanese and Spanish in the junior high school. By that way, he speaks both languages
fluently
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he is a manager of a global
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Consequently
, it can
be said
that we do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to concentrate on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
technical subjects in school.

To conclude
, there is not to say that historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
are all without merit. From such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
that it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have more logical
Possible spelling mistake found.
thinkings
.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to focus on their major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
Therefore
, teachers and parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to have balance time for
Consider using "all the".
all of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
learning.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay People can eat a variety of food that can be grown in other areas As a result people eat more food produced in other regions than local food Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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