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A full time university student needs to spend time on studying but it is essential to get involved in other activities To what extent to you agree or disagree v.1

A full time university student needs to spend time on studying but it is essential to get involved in other activities 1
In the past, factories were often built in close proximity to city areas as the lack of transportation forbade people to do otherwise. However, this is not exactly the case today, when industries and businesses are moving from municipal and into countryside areas in flocks. This essay will elaborate on both positive and negative effects of this trend. On the one hand, firstly, this movement makes perfect environmental sense. Due to industrial activities, residents of many cities around the world are still breathing in air and consume water dirty enough to cause numerous health diseases. Therefore, moving businesses out of the cities will rid human and other species of pollution. A further advantage of this trend is reducing the gap between the rich and the poor in a country, as countryside dwellers can opt to work in factories to higher pay, rather than agricultural work. This will eventually bring about peace and harmony to society. On the other hand, doing business in the countryside also represents some notable drawbacks. To begin with, skilled workers are a rarity in rural areas. Most of people living in small towns and villages do not receive sufficient education to undertake intellectual jobs. What is also disadvantageous is based in regional areas, companies risk distancing themselves further from their customers, their suppliers and other partners in their business transactions, which can weaken their profitability. In conclusion, moving business from cities to rural areas can be a smart decision. However, there are disadvantages that should be weighed carefully against the advantages.
In the past, factories were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
built in
Consider using "proximity".
close proximity
to city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
as the lack of transportation forbade
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to do
otherwise
.
However
, this is not exactly the case
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, when industries and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
are moving from municipal and into countryside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
in flocks. This essay will elaborate on both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of this trend.

On the one hand,
firstly
, this movement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
perfect environmental sense. Due to industrial activities, residents of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
around the world are
still
breathing in air and consume water dirty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to cause numerous health diseases.
Therefore
, moving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
out of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
will
This form is ambiguous and can be used as past tense. Confirm that you are using the intended base form of the main verb after 'to do' as an auxiliary verb..
rid
human and other species of pollution. A
further
advantage of this trend is reducing the gap between the rich and the poor in a country, as countryside dwellers can opt to work in factories to higher pay,
rather
than agricultural work. This will
eventually
bring about peace and harmony to society.

On the other hand
, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
in the countryside
also
represents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
notable drawbacks. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, skilled workers are a rarity in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. Most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns and villages do not receive sufficient education to undertake intellectual jobs. What is
also
disadvantageous
is based
in regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
distancing themselves
further
from their customers, their suppliers and other partners in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
transactions, which can weaken their profitability.

In conclusion
, moving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
can be a smart decision.
However
, there are disadvantages that should
be weighed
carefully
against the advantages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay A full time university student needs to spend time on studying but it is essential to get involved in other activities 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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