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People attend colleges or universities for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge etc. ). Why do you think people attend colleges or universities? v.3

People attend colleges or universities for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge etc. ). Why do you think people attend colleges or universities? v. 3
People primarily enrol in a college or university to achieve the necessary training and degree they require to build a course. Apart from the career, people seek higher studies to gain knowledge, to enhance the social status and learn more about diverse cultures. The current society and its educational structures are far different than they had been a century back when a self-educated person could gain a good career and parents could arrange private tutors to ensure their children’s education. But in today’s world, universities are the authority to declare a person to have the necessary education to be ready for the job. People are going to universities because this is the most common way of getting the education. The sole purpose of a college or university is to ensure the proper theoretical and moral education to build the ideal citizens the country needs and this is the system which is unquestionably accepted by the society. People who do not have the plan to use their certificate to get a job either because they have other career plans or may be blessed with inherited fortune. Many go to these educational institutes to learn values, gather ideas and education they require to be good humans. In fact, education is a borderline between a savage person and a good man and this is another reason the society has adopted the idea of education for all. Some people go to universities to get further education to enhance their horizon or to improve their job position and salary. Others go to the colleges and universities to let the world know that they are educated. Funny this may seem but many people simply consider the higher education as the status they require to get a higher position in the society. In conclusion, education, experiencing diverse cultures and customs, getting prepared for the future career, improving job position, subject matter interests and social status are the main reasons for people to attend colleges and universities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
primarily
enrol in a college or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to achieve the necessary training and degree they require to build a course. Apart from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seek higher studies to gain knowledge, to enhance the social status and learn more about diverse cultures.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
society and its educational structures are far
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
than
they had been a century back when a self-educated person could gain a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and parents could arrange private tutors to ensure their children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are the authority to declare a person to have the necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to be ready for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this is the most common way of getting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. The sole purpose of a college or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is to ensure the proper theoretical and moral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to build the ideal citizens the country needs and this is the system which is
unquestionably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by the society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who do not have the plan to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their certificate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
either
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
plans or may
be blessed
with inherited fortune.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
go to these educational institutes to learn values, gather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
they require to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
humans. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a borderline between a savage person and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
and this is another reason the society has adopted the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for all.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to enhance their horizon or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
position and salary. Others go to the colleges and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the world know that they
are educated
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Funny
this may seem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
simply
consider the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as the status they require to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher position in the society.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, experiencing diverse cultures and customs, getting prepared for the future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
, improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
position,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "subject".
subject matter
interests and social status are the main reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to attend colleges and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay People attend colleges or universities for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge etc. ). Why do you think people attend colleges or universities? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
329 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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