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Demand for gas and oil is increasing and so finding new sources in remote and untouched areas is a necessity. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Demand for gas and oil is increasing and so finding new sources in remote and untouched areas is a necessity. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
In the past 150 years mankind has been heavily reliant on black gold. Though, people have been extracting fossil fuel from sea and land, but the demand for it is ever increasing. In my opinion, I believe seeking undiscovered places for these resource have many disadvantages. The advancement in science and technology has led to people being able to drill, mine, extract and convert the thousands of years of natural fossil fuel for the simple purpose of making our lives more convenient. People have plundered many lands in search of such valuable source and still seeking more new places. , the usage of petrol in vehicles has major consequences over the last half a decade emitting toxic gases into the air and polluting it. Many news agencies have been reporting such scrupulous activity of oil and gas companies for the sake of cash profits. The search for petroleum and natural gas disrupts the surrounding ecosystem. Humans bulldoze animals and jungles along the way seeking remote pockets of oil fields. The living things are at the mercy of machines destroying their home. In the amazing wilderness of Alaska, North America, many energy companies have set up research teams for the discovery such energy source have spoilt the natural habitat of the locality in the process. In conclusion, I believe seeking new oil and gas catchments have environmental hazards that can cause an imbalance in the natural habitat of living things. An alternative source of energy is readily available and usable instead of discovering the ever diminishing black gold as known by mankind.
In the past 150 years mankind has been
heavily
reliant on black gold. Though,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have been extracting fossil fuel from sea and land,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the demand for it is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ever increasing
. In my opinion, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seeking
undiscovered places for
Did you mean "this resource" or "these resources"?
these resource
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages.

The advancement in science and technology has led to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
being able to drill, mine, extract and convert the thousands of years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
fossil fuel for the simple purpose of making our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
more convenient.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have plundered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
lands in search of such valuable source and
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seeking
more new places.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
the usage of petrol in vehicles has major
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "over". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences over
the last half a decade emitting toxic gases into the air and polluting it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
news agencies have been reporting such scrupulous activity of oil and gas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
for the sake of cash profits.

The search for petroleum and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
gas disrupts the surrounding ecosystem. Humans bulldoze animals and jungles along the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seeking
remote pockets of oil fields. The living things are at the mercy of machines destroying their home. In the amazing wilderness of Alaska, North America,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have set up research teams for the discovery such energy source have
Possible spelling mistake. 'spoilt' is British English.
spoilt
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
habitat of the locality in the process.

In conclusion
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seeking
new oil and gas catchments have environmental hazards that can cause an imbalance in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
habitat of living things. An alternative source of energy is
readily
available and usable
instead
of discovering the ever diminishing black gold as known by mankind.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Demand for gas and oil is increasing and so finding new sources in remote and untouched areas is a necessity. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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