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Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.5

Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. v. 5
It is argued by some people that money can be considered as the best present teenagers can be offered. However, others think that teenagers should be provided with gifts other than money, which have a greater value for them. In my opinion, I perceive that money should not be categorised as the best present for them and there are a number of things which are of vital importance that can be presented to teenagers. On the one hand, one of the evident benefits of giving money to teenagers is that they will have the capability of standing up on their own. With the advancement of technology, there are a plethora of avenues for them to pursue to mould their future and having money in hand will be handy and will be a support to lay the foundation of what they desire. On the flip side, some people believe that money should not be the most suitable gift for teenagers. Giving money to teenagers who just enter into the society and are prone to dangerous activities can be a way of spoiling them. Put simply, teenagers when they possess money, which are given free of charge will be attracted to disgraced activities including usage of alcohol, drugs to name a few. Instead, teenagers who are expected to pursue higher studies should not be disturbed with these gifts and items should be presented to them which encourage their studies such as books, tablets etc. To recapitulate, while some people think that money is the best present teenagers can be given with, they are people in the opinion of giving money as gifts should not be practiced. In my opinion, I believe that teenagers should be not offered money as gifts and they should receive items other than money which ameliorate their education.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
be considered
as the best present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
can
be offered
.
However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
should
be provided
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
other than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, which have a greater value for them. In my opinion, I perceive that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should not be
Possible spelling mistake. 'categorised' is British English.
categorised
as the best present for them and there are a number of things which are of vital importance that can
be presented
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

On the one hand, one of the evident benefits of giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
is that they will have the capability of standing up on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. With the advancement of technology, there are a plethora of avenues for them to pursue to
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
their future and having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in hand will be handy and will be a support to lay the foundation of what they desire.

On the flip side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should not be the most suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
. Giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
enter into the society and are prone to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
activities can be a way of spoiling them. Put
simply
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
when they possess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
free of charge will
be attracted
to disgraced activities including usage of alcohol, drugs to name a few.
Instead
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to pursue higher studies should not
be disturbed
with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
and items should
be presented
to them which encourage their studies such as books, tablets etc.

To recapitulate, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the best present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
with, they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the opinion of giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
should not
be practiced
. In my opinion, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
should be not offered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
gifts and
they should receive items other than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
which ameliorate their education.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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