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Nowadays the rate of drug abuse among the youth is on the increase. What are the reasons for this and how can we solve this problem? v.2

Nowadays the rate of drug abuse among the youth is on the increase. What are the reasons for this and how can we solve this problem? v. 2
It is irrefutable fact that the number of drug addicts is increasing at an alarming rate. This essay will discuss the reason behind this problem as well as provide the solution for same in subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, there are two main reasons, which promote this suffering. Firstly, youngsters, nowadays are more depressed, due to work or financial trouble. This struggle indulges them towards chemical injects, which provide relief them for some time, from the stress. Secondly, drugs are preferred by some teenagers because they found it more fascinating and adventurous. However, Infants do not know about the drawbacks of using these additives that would cause serious health issues. For instance, the police report shows that, 60% of drug addicts are college students while 40% are of corporate culture. To tackle this occurrence, there should be more advertisements of the disadvantages of being drugged. Marketing from the celebrities or sport persons would release the good impact on people. Moreover, there ought to be free medication or health services for druggies, so that abusers can afford to hospitalize for their treatment. For example, people who are financially disturbed and are not be able to afford fee of the hospital, would agree to give up their addiction. In conclusion, drug issue is affecting our future generation, and this need to be stopped immediately for the welfare of the nation. Precautions should be taken to prevent this problem
It is irrefutable fact that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
addicts is increasing at an alarming rate.

This essay will discuss the reason behind this problem
as well
as provide the solution for same in subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are two main reasons, which promote this suffering.
Firstly
, youngsters, nowadays are more depressed, due to work or financial trouble. This struggle indulges them towards chemical injects, which provide relief them for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time, from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
are preferred
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they found it more fascinating and adventurous.

However
, Infants do not know about the drawbacks of using these additives that would cause serious health issues.
For instance
, the police report
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that, 60% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
addicts are college students while 40% are of corporate culture.

To tackle this occurrence, there should be more advertisements of the disadvantages of
being drugged
. Marketing from the celebrities or sport persons would release the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Moreover
, there ought to be free medication or health services for druggies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that abusers can afford to hospitalize for their treatment.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are
financially
disturbed and are not
Consider using a past participle here: "been".
be
able to afford fee of the hospital, would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to give up their addiction.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
issue is affecting our future generation, and this need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
immediately for the welfare of the nation. Precautions should
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
problem
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Nowadays the rate of drug abuse among the youth is on the increase. What are the reasons for this and how can we solve this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
235 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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