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People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.4

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 4
Most of the people attend college or university for many various reasons whether personal or social purposes. But I think the social goals like career preparation and getting new experiences are at the first level of importance. To begin with, new experiences have their own real and actual concepts, if we investigate them in their social context. Getting new achievements for career preparation needs to cope with diverse people. In fact, the first and the best place that a person can promote his theoretical and practical knowledge in suitable groups, fulfill at the university or college. For example, for being a skilled journalism you have to warm up your hands in writing about your interested subject at different levels. It is the issue that you do it under investigation of knowing and acknowledged people. Also, new experiences can be considered into two categories, personal and social experiences. The second part is the main part; because it has a direct relationship with your future career. For instance, previously I was a shy girl; I could not express my ideas in front of people and it was really difficult for me to cope with other members in a group. At university, I discovered myself as a person who needs a job for a living. To know that, I tried to share in diverse groups and since then gradually I have experienced new events and noble things. Today, I do not have any problem with my colleagues with different characters. So, I really appreciate to the university that I used to study there. To put the issues into a nutshell, people attend to college and university to improve their social skills to prepare for the future job and life.
Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attend college or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
various reasons whether personal or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
purposes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
goals like career preparation and getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
are at the
first
level of importance.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
real and actual concepts, if we investigate them in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
context. Getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
achievements for career preparation needs to cope with diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In fact, the
first
and the best place that a person can promote his theoretical and practical knowledge in suitable groups, fulfill at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or college.
For example
, for being a skilled journalism you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
warm up your hands in writing about your interested subject at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
levels. It is the issue that you do it under investigation of knowing and acknowledged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
can
be considered
into two categories, personal and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
. The second part is the main part;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has a direct relationship with your future career.
For instance
, previously I was a shy girl; I could not express my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in front of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and it was
really
difficult for me to cope with other members in a group. At
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, I discovered myself as a person who needs a job for a living. To know that, I tried to share in diverse groups and since then
gradually
I have experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and noble things.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, I do not have any problem with my colleagues with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
characters.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
really
appreciate to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to study there.

To put the issues into a nutshell,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attend to college and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to prepare for the future job and life.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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