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People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
Research and development is the main focus of scientists throughout the world. Owing to this huge amount of money has been spent on space exploration, but some people believe that this money should be spent more wisely for the benefit of mankind. However, in my opinion, space research is crucial and there is a need to define a limit for this because there are some more concerning issues which need immediate attention. Hence, I partially agree with this view. Space exploration is significant for the development of every nation because it has provided ways to resolve many critical issues. To illustrate it further with an example, if we consider the weather forecast technology, which is possible due to satellites in space has proved a boon for people mainly living near coastal areas. With the help of this technology, warnings are given to people living near oceans and fishermen to not to enter the sea due to the prediction of heavy tides or rainfall. On the other hand, there are some problems such as global hunger, unemployment, crime and medical facilities which also require immediate aid. Many people are living below the poverty line and it is hard for them to earn two times of the meal. Moreover, a large number of people are losing life due to unavailability of advanced medical facilities. In addition, there are many children who cannot afford even elementary education. So all these concerns are more crucial and there is a strong need to address such issues with prompt action. To conclude, I believe that space exploration is essential, but there should be a limit on the money spent on these research works and there are some problems which need to be addressed with quick resolutions for the betterment of whole mankind.
Research and development is the main focus of scientists throughout the world. Owing to this huge amount of money has
been spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this money should
be spent
more
wisely
for the benefit of mankind.
However
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
research is crucial and there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to define a limit for this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more concerning issues which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
immediate attention.
Hence
, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.

Space exploration is significant for the development of every nation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has provided ways to resolve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
critical issues. To illustrate it
further
with an example, if we consider the weather forecast technology, which is possible due to satellites in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
has proved a boon for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mainly
living near coastal areas. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of this technology, warnings are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living near oceans and fishermen
One 'to' seems to be obsolete.
to not to
enter the sea due to the prediction of heavy tides or rainfall.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems such as global hunger, unemployment, crime and medical facilities which
also
require immediate aid.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living below the poverty line and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to earn two times of the meal.
Moreover
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are losing life due to unavailability of advanced medical facilities.
In addition
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children who cannot afford even elementary education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
all these concerns are more crucial and there is a strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to address such issues with prompt action.

To conclude
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration is essential,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there should be a limit on the money spent on these research works and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be addressed
with quick resolutions for the betterment of whole mankind.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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