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Children's education is expensive. In some countries, the government pays some or all of the costs. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages? v.11

Children's education is expensive. In some countries, the government pays some or all of the costs. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages? v. 11
It is true that the current system of children’s education is costing a great deal of money; therefore, some governments have been introducing certain types of financial aid to help students out. Although this activity can be disadvantageous to some extents, in general, it brings far more benefits to the society. On the one hand, there are a number of drawbacks for this strategy. First, since the pupils do not have to pay for their courses, they may not appreciate the effort that schools and teachers have put in, which can result in disrespect and improper attitudes. For example, they may not fulfill the tasks given by their teachers or play truant from important lessons, all of which are essential for their study progress. In addition, giving financial assistance or more than that, free education can not help enhance the quality of teaching and learning. In fact, many wealthy families have been seeking for the top schools which charge excessively high mainly because these schools can provide excellent services and facilities for their children. If the government interferes schooling fees, the distinction between outstanding schools and normal schools would not be drawn, which would deter some parents from getting their children an advanced program. On the other hand, subsidies from the government to young adults’ education do offer several benefits. First, more students, especially those from poorer backgrounds, will be able to attend to schools. This can be viewed as stimuli to the future job market where more highly skilled employees are needed. Such skills will be acquired at higher education like college and university only if young people finish their undergraduate studies. Also, the more study opportunities are given, the fewer criminals the countries will have. It is certainly true that educated children are less likely to grow up breaking the laws than their illiterate fellow. As a result, a better welfare and more secure society will be way more easily formed. In conclusion, I believe that paying for children’s study costs will be more beneficial even though there are some minor disadvantages
It is true that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
system of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is costing a great deal of money;
therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
have been introducing certain types of financial aid to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students out. Although this activity can be disadvantageous to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extents,
in general
, it brings far more benefits to the society.

On the one hand, there are a number of drawbacks for this strategy.
First
, since the pupils do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay for their courses, they may not appreciate the effort that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and teachers have put in, which can result in disrespect and improper attitudes.
For example
, they may not fulfill the tasks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by their teachers or play truant from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
lessons, all of which are essential for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
progress.
In addition
, giving financial assistance or more than that, free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
enhance the quality of teaching and learning. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
wealthy families have been seeking for the top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
which charge
excessively
high
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can provide excellent services and facilities for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
interferes schooling fees, the distinction between outstanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
would not
be drawn
, which would deter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents from getting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
an advanced program.

On the other hand
, subsidies from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to young adults’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
do offer several benefits.
First
, more students,
especially
those from poorer backgrounds, will be able to attend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. This can
be viewed
as stimuli to the future job market where more
highly
skilled employees
are needed
. Such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will
be acquired
at higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
like college and university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
finish their undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
Also
, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
opportunities are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
, the fewer criminals the countries will have. It is
certainly
true that educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are less likely to grow up breaking the laws than their illiterate fellow.
As a result
, a better welfare and more secure society will be way more
easily
formed.

In conclusion
, I believe that paying for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
costs will be more beneficial
even though
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor disadvantages
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Children's education is expensive. In some countries, the government pays some or all of the costs. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages? v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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