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People are now surrounded by advertising. This both affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

People are now surrounded by advertising. This both affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. v. 1
Most people think that social sites such as Facebook has a huge negative impact on both person and society. This essay will discuss why social networking platforms affect both the individuals and the society as a whole in further detail. Firstly, this site keeps the person away from their families and friends and makes them addicted to this app on a daily basis. Secondly, the youngsters are more prone to be affected in the society than their elders by excessive use of this tool. Thirdly, because of this website, there has been a rapid decline in communication with the people of all ages and individuals are not meeting their friends and relatives as they use to meet before the invention of this app. For example, a survey report recently submitted by the French department stated that in France, 80% of people's lives have been affected after the introduction of this tool. In contrast, Facebook can be beneficial to connect and interact with people from all over the world. In other words, it helps to know the latest trends occurring worldwide and also to know different cultures, ethnicity of individuals. Moreover, we can learn different languages online with the help of a foreign friend. To illustrate, a survey report submitted stating that in Brazil, there were 65% of people who voted in favour of this app and they said that they benefitted it from it since its discovery. In conclusion, this essay argued why Facebook has non-positive effect on the person and societies as a whole, but its benefits cannot be neglected.
Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that social sites such as Facebook has a huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on both person and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. This essay will discuss why social networking platforms affect both the individuals and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as a whole in
further
detail.

Firstly
, this site
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
the person away from their families and friends and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them addicted to this app on a daily basis.
Secondly
, the youngsters are more prone to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
than their elders by excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this tool.
Thirdly
,
because of this
website, there has been a rapid decline in communication with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all ages and individuals are not meeting their friends and relatives as they
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the invention of this app.
For example
, a survey report recently submitted by the French department stated that in France, 80% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
after the introduction of this tool.

In contrast
, Facebook can be beneficial to connect and interact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all over the world.
In other words
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to know the latest trends occurring worldwide and
also
to know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures, ethnicity of individuals.
Moreover
, we can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
languages online with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of a foreign friend. To illustrate, a survey report submitted stating that in Brazil, there were 65% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who voted in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
app and
they said that they
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
it from it since its discovery.

In conclusion
, this essay argued why Facebook has non-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on the person and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
as a whole,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its benefits cannot
be neglected
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People are now surrounded by advertising. This both affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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