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People are living longer than ever before. At the same time, the young population is declining while the number of old people is rising. Will this development be a benefit for the society? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more old peopl v.1

People are living longer than ever before. At the same time, the young population is declining while the number of old people is rising. Will this development be a benefit for the society? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more old peopl v. 1
Social networking has become a huge deal in todays world, where all the things are now connected to the internet. But, do they really give a huge negative impact on both individuals and society as a lot of people say? We are going to address that in this essay. It is true, that this social media things like Facebook and any other platforms do have a positive side. It can connect people from all over the world, regardless of their location. They also ease the communication between peoples since the internet taking charge on everything. While a lot of people agree with this opinion, there are a lot of people who think the opposite way. Their main concern was that this kind of interaction moving people away from the real life because they are getting too addicted to this digital world of themselves, where everything is just exactly as they want. That is a strong point that cannot be denied, but I think it is not as bad as it sounds. Those conditions happen because the user who are mostly teenagers are not mature enough to have self control on themselves. Once they have been able to develop that limit than it is going to be perfectly fine for them. It is not the fault of the system, but it is the person who uses them. Overall, social media do have a disadvantage on both individuals and society life for the user. Once they have that self control over themselves than its going to be overcome by the advantages.
Social networking has become a huge deal in
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
world, where all the things are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
connected to the internet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, do they
really
give a huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on both individuals and society as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say? We are going to address that in this essay.

It is true, that this social media things like Facebook and any other platforms do have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side. It can connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all over the world, regardless of their location. They
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the communication between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
since the internet taking charge on everything. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the opposite way. Their main concern was that this kind of interaction moving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
away from the real life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are getting too addicted to this digital world of themselves, where everything is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
exactly as they want.

That is
a strong point that cannot
be denied
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is not as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
as it sounds. Those conditions happen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the user who are
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to have
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self control
on themselves. Once they have been able to develop that limit than it is going to be
perfectly
fine for them. It is not the fault of the system,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is the person who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
them.

Overall
, social media do have a disadvantage on both individuals and society life for the user.
“Once” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Once
they have that
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self control
over themselves than
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
going to
be overcome
by the advantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People are living longer than ever before. At the same time, the young population is declining while the number of old people is rising. Will this development be a benefit for the society? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more old peopl v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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