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People are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay. v.1

People are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay. v. 1
The world is now more global than before as there is increased trade and cultural exchange. This essay will outline the advantages and drawbacks of this development, and In (remove the capital letter) my opinion, the benefits are more important. On the one hand, it is often thought by some that allowing nations to interact with one another brings many disadvantages. Firstly, immigrants find it difficult to adapt to their new environment. Many people who are working or studying in other countries find it challenging to interact with locals because of the language barrier and feel isolated. Moreover, the weather is another challenge. Secondly, international students face racism. For example, a recent survey by California University found that over 30% of students from other countries are bullied daily because of their colour. On the other hand, others believe that there are numerous benefits for countries becoming global, and I agree. First of these is the increase in revenue. As companies establish branches in many different parts of the earth, supplying goods and services, they create numerous job opportunities. This reduces the unemployment rate and increases the living standards of people all over the earth. The growing trade relations between countries also help to establish peace in the nature. In addition to this, the increased interaction among people of diverse cultures has made them more tolerant of differences. To conclude, I believe that globalization is beneficial because the increasing interaction among various countries allows for economic growth and closer relationships despite the challenges of cultural differences
The world is
now
more global than
before
as there
is increased
trade and cultural exchange. This essay will outline the advantages and drawbacks of this development, and In (remove the capital letter) my opinion, the benefits are more
important
.

On the one hand, it is
often
thought
by
some
that allowing nations to interact with one another brings
many
disadvantages.
Firstly
, immigrants find it difficult to adapt to their new environment.
Many
people
who are working or studying in
other
countries
find it challenging
to interact
with locals
because
of the language barrier and feel isolated.
Moreover
, the weather is another challenge.
Secondly
, international students face racism.
For example
, a recent survey by California University found that over 30% of students from
other
countries
are bullied
daily
because
of their
colour
.

On the
other
hand, others believe that there are numerous benefits for
countries
becoming global, and I
agree
.
First
of these is the increase in revenue. As
companies
establish branches in
many
different
parts of the earth, supplying
goods
and services, they create numerous job opportunities. This
reduces
the unemployment rate and increases the living standards of
people
all over the earth. The growing trade relations between
countries
also
help
to establish peace in the nature.
In addition
to this, the increased interaction among
people
of diverse cultures has made them more tolerant of differences.

To conclude
, I believe that globalization is beneficial
because
the increasing interaction among various
countries
allows
for economic growth and closer relationships despite the challenges of cultural differences
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay People are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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