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In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. v.4

In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. v. 4
It is believed that the average life expectancy of people is longer these days, compared to the past. There are various reasons that have caused the situation and the following essay will discuss them in details. Firstly, there are various types of medicines that have been found by medical scientists nowadays which have saved many lives. These medicines have been proven that they could cure serious diseases which have killed millions of people in the past. For instances, with the invention of penicillin in the 20th century, it was proven that it could heal the infected wound. Consequently, the mortality rate due to infection had decreased significantly in the last century. Secondly, people are living longer due to they are better educated nowadays. Many governments have realised the need of higher education for their people; therefore they provided free education until secondary school. With this positive development, the number of illiterate people has declined, and many of them have read and understood the standard of healthy living. For example, many women now understand the process of delivering a baby, whereas they should have a routine visit to their doctors and understand the types of food that they should consume. As a result, the mortality rate of women has been declining drastically in the past few decades. In conclusion, it is a fact that people are living longer these days. There are many factors that affect to the phenomenon, but in my personal opinion, the top two main factors are advance medical research and better education.
It
is believed
that the average life expectancy of
people
is longer these days, compared to the past. There are various reasons that have caused the situation and the following essay will discuss them in
details
.

Firstly
, there are various types of medicines that have
been found
by medical scientists nowadays which have saved
many
lives
. These medicines have
been proven
that they could cure serious diseases which have killed millions of
people
in the past. For instances, with the invention of penicillin in the 20th century, it
was proven
that it could heal the infected wound.
Consequently
, the mortality rate due to infection had decreased
significantly
in the last century.

Secondly
,
people
are living longer due to they are better educated nowadays.
Many
governments
have
realised
the need of higher education for their
people
;
therefore
they provided free education until secondary school. With this
positive
development, the number of illiterate
people
has declined, and
many
of them have read and understood the standard of healthy living.
For example
,
many
women
now
understand the process of delivering a baby, whereas they should have a routine visit to their doctors and understand the types of food that they should consume.
As a result
, the mortality rate of women has been declining
drastically
in the past few decades.

In conclusion
, it is a fact that
people
are living longer these days. There are
many
factors that affect to the phenomenon,
but
in my personal opinion, the top two main factors are advance medical research and better education.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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