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People are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay. v.3

People are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay. v. 3
The life is a voyage. Destinations open up new meanings, reveals new horizons and in this journey of life people do pass away from different phaces, infancy, childhood, adulthood and old age. I believe that people are living longer now because of two important reasons. The main reason is that, the perception of the people is improved. The life in the past was really simple, even the way of thinking of the people was easy and simple. They didn' t imagine the results of many things they did in their daily life. in the past the healthy programs were less than today, furthermore, the people wasn' t taking care of their healthy diet or life. On the other hand, these days, people attention is increased about the healthiest life, and how they can search the best way to live better, by watching programs talk about how they can choose food with multipule vitamins and minerals. For example, my parents watch a program called Green Apple. And from the first time, they change their attitude Away from bad and fast food. In addition, such programs describe the result of eating bad food and what are the side effects on our bodies. So the people care about green life increases which results in reducing many diseases that were found in the past, and now, they are living longer. As we can see how with the fast changing world, the people become more healthy. The second reason is that, medical advanecement. With the modernization of the world and significant advance in medicine and science, many diseases are gone because of improvement in medicines and researches that lead to get rid of many un treatable diseases thet were invaded the life in the past. For example, three weeks ago, I saw a movie for famous singer in my country, and how he was very successful in his life, in addition, he was so popular and every body in my country loved him. Then we he was 40 years old, a disease attacked him. The movie describes the singer' s life when the disease attacked him, and how he suffered a lot. the doctors couldn' t stop his bleeding and they couldn' t treat him because they weren' t as knowledgable as the doctors of these days. Then at the end of the movie he dead. It was really sad story. This experience taught me that, with advanecement in the knowledge nothing be difficult to solve and that' s why people are living longer now. In conclusion, according to the arguments mention above, the people are living longer now, because their way of thinking is changed toward a healthy life. Moreover, the advanecement in discoveries of medicine get rid from many diseases that attacked the people in the past. We all should follow a healthy life by eating good and doing excersises and when we use this way we will never regret it.
The
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life
is a voyage. Destinations open up new meanings, reveals new horizons and in this journey of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
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people
do pass away from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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phaces
, infancy, childhood, adulthood and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age. I believe that
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people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons.

The main reason is that, the perception of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
was
really
simple, even the way of thinking of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
was easy and simple. They
Possible spelling mistake found.
didn&
#039; t imagine the results of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things they did in their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
were less than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
furthermore
, the
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people
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wasn&
#039; t taking care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet or
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life
.
On the other hand
, these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attention
is increased
about the healthiest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and how they can search the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
better, by watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
talk about how they can choose food with
Possible spelling mistake found.
multipule
vitamins and minerals.
For example
, my parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
called Green Apple. And from the
first
time, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their attitude Away from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food.
In addition
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the result of eating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
food and what are the side effects on our bodies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
care about green
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
increases which results in reducing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
that
were found
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
. As we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
changing world, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more healthy.

The second reason is that, medical
Possible spelling mistake found.
advanecement
. With the modernization of the world and significant advance in medicine and science,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are gone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of improvement in medicines and researches that lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
un
treatable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
Possible spelling mistake found.
thet
were invaded
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
For example
, three weeks ago, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a movie for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
singer in my country, and how he was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
successful in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
in addition
, he was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
popular and every body in my country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
him. Then we he was 40 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
attacked him. The movie
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
the
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singer&
#039; s
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life
when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
attacked him, and how he suffered a lot.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
doctors
Possible spelling mistake found.
couldn&
#039; t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
his
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
bleeding and
they
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couldn&
#039; t treat him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
Possible spelling mistake found.
weren&
#039; t as
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledgable
as the doctors of these days. Then at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the movie
It seems that a verb is missing after "he". Please verify.
he
dead. It was
really
sad story. This experience taught me that, with
Possible spelling mistake found.
advanecement
in the knowledge nothing be difficult to solve and
Possible spelling mistake found.
that&
#039; s why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

In conclusion
, according to the arguments mention above, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their way of thinking is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
toward a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Moreover
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
advanecement
in discoveries of medicine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
The usual collocation for "rid" is "of" not "from". Did you mean "rid of"?
rid from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
that attacked the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. We all should follow a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by eating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and doing
Possible spelling mistake found.
excersises
and when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this way we will never regret it.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
50Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Mistakes

IELTS essay People are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
488 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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