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Do you agree or disagree with the statement? There is nothing that an uneducated person can teach an educated person v.4

There is nothing that an uneducated person can teach an educated person v. 4
Being popular has positives and negatives in the person's life. Some people feel that celebrities should not be disturbed by paparazzi and the others think this is all about results of being famous. In my opinion, celebrities should have some free space, and also world needs news about them. The celebrities have a personal life, whenever they go out for some vacation, they are quickly surrounded by photographers. Especially, public starts taking photographs and autograph with them that disturbs an individual. Many people feel they should not be disturbed since they also have a personal life. In addition, The celebrities sometimes must be heavily guarded from the public. For an example, M. S Dhoni, the famous Indian cricketer, often goes out for tours to other countries since the camera guys in his own country disturbs him a lot. On the other hand, some people think that this is all because of the fame. Obviously, before entering into the field, the person knows they might become popular some day. Hence, they should be prepared to face all this negatives of fame. However, some celebrities love this kind of attraction, therefore it is always based on the individual. For instance, Karina Kapoor, an Indian actress and model, always welcomes her followers wherever she goes. In my opinion, the popular guys will have a personal life, especially they will feel weird if pictures of them are taken everywhere. But after becoming popular they can't avoid their fans also, hence they should adjust and act before the camera always. To conclude, it is very difficult to live a life of fame one since they have to act before the camera always. Moreover, the public and photographers have to understand their feelings and give them their personal space.
Being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
has positives and negatives in the person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
should not
be disturbed
by paparazzi and the others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is all about results of being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
free space, and
also
world needs news about them.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, whenever they go out for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
vacation, they are
quickly
surrounded by photographers.
Especially
, public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
taking photographs and autograph with them that disturbs an individual.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel they should not
be disturbed
since they
also
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
In addition
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
heavily
The usual collocation for "guarded" is "against" not "from". Did you mean "guarded against"?
guarded from
the public. For an example, M. S
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dhoni
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Indian cricketer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
goes out for tours to other countries since the camera guys in his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country disturbs him a lot.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the fame.
Obviously
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entering into the field, the person knows they might become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
day.
Hence
, they should
be prepared
to face all this negatives of fame.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
this kind of attraction,
therefore
it is always based on the individual.
For instance
, Karina
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kapoor
, an Indian actress and model, always welcomes her followers wherever she goes.

In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
guys will have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
especially
they will feel weird if pictures of them
are taken
everywhere.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
after becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
they can't avoid their fans
also
,
hence
they should adjust and act
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the camera
The adverb 'always' is usually not used at the end of a sentence.
always
.

To conclude
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of fame one since they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
act
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the camera
The adverb 'always' is usually not used at the end of a sentence.
always
.
Moreover
, the public and photographers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
understand their feelings and give them their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
space.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay There is nothing that an uneducated person can teach an educated person v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
293 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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